Fail! (The name of this post borrowed from my good friend Glen)

Okay, so this blog is about scary things. What follows in this post REALLY SCARES ME!

There is a certain road in the area where I live. Most people refer to it as "The Hillside Road." I'm not going to tell you it's real name, nor am I going to tell you the Township which in lies, but for any local readers...that should be all the clues you need.

This local police department has a reputation for being a little hard-line. Nay...incessantly hard-line. In my 24 years I've had 6 incidents where cops were involved. 2 were speeding tickets, one I will never argue...the other coming from a speed trap of 55 to 25....so yeah. One from the report I gave from being hit by another car. One coming from when I accidentally drove through a stop sign one late night after Gravestone Manor, to which the cop saw my make up and told me that Gravestone Manor was cool and let me go. These four incidents all involved police departments that are not the one that this post focuses on.

However, the remaining two...do. Situation the first: Two years ago on December 1st--DECEMBER--we had freak storms in my area. These storms were reminiscent of storms that you have on 90 degree days in July. They rolled in around 8PM. I waited until 11:30PM to drive home just to make sure that any sort of debris was cleaned off the road. Low and behold, when I reach the "Hillside Road," and came upon the section that is in no way lit, nor are there any houses, I find that I must swerve to avoid hitting a downed tree limb of substantial size. There is a car behind me. About 3 miles down the road that car turns on its red and blue lights. He pulls me over and talks to me about 15 minutes, thinking I am drunk. I can tell because he is shoving the flashlight in my face. (Did you all know that cop's flashlights have Breathalyzers in them--they aren't accurate enough to serve as evidence, but they are accurate enough to warrant a sobriety test--I learned that in Driver's Ed) But I'm not a drinker and of course I'm not drunk. I tell him that I was trying to avoid the tree limb. Eventually he asks what high school I went too and I told him. He said, "well I don't recognize your name, and that's a good thing. Next time, stay in your lane." Yes sir, next time I will plow into the large tree limb and cause damage to my vehicle.

Incident the second: This happened tonight on the same road, in about the same place. I notice on the roadway are those little white piles that form once signal flares have burned down. But there are no lit flares and there are no remnants of flares other than those white piles of phosphorus. A few feet down the road is a "Work Area Ahead" sign. A few feet behind that is one of those signs with the picture of the flagman. I turn the corner and I see a cop car with its lights flashing and several construction trucks down the road. It looks like they are repairing a downed telephone wire. The cop car's door opens and I see that he has one of those flashlights with the light up cone to signal traffic. You know, because they like to think they have light sabres or something. Now again this is all happening around 3AM so its all very surreal. Who puts out "Work Area Ahead" and "Flagman" signs that early in the morning?

I think the cop is going to wave me through but he instead walks up to my window and pulls out his normal (Breathalyzer) flashlight. He asks me where I came from and I tell him. He asks me if I saw the Road Closed sign. I say no, the only signs I saw were the "flagman" sign. Now this is a critical point in the conversation. He could think it strange that I have mistaken the image of a flagman for the words "Road Closed," and then assume that perhaps something happened to the "Road Closed" sign. Or....he could be a jerk and think that I have the intelligence of a jar of almonds. He picks the latter. He asks me "why I didn't see and obey the Road Closed sign." Now mind you also, I have a respect for authority, so when a cop talks to me I sound like a blubbering idiot. I say the following things, after each response he again asks me "why didn't you see and obey the Road Closed sign." I say: I was listening to the radio (this evoked an added--listening to the radio means you can't read a sign?--, I thought you were performing the same action that cops do on the interstate when there is construction, which is why I slowed down, and I thought you were the signal man.

I was so caught off guard by the fact that there was no Road Closed sign that I must have sounded drunk. I'm really surprised he didn't pull me out of the car in all actuality. He gives me this speech about how important it is to pay attention, totally demeaning my ability to confuse images with words and then tells me to turn around and go back the other way. Really? Couldn't he have just said that from the get go?

Now here is why I'm scared: I turned around I went all the way back down the road just to make sure that I didn't miss the sign and that I wasn't an idiot. There was no sign. Only the "Work Area Ahead" and "Flagman" signs. Theoretically this guy could have given me a ticket. Isn't that frightening? He didn't but he could have. I'm scared because if he did, I would have had to go through a protracted series of event to clear my name and avoid paying the ticket--or--suck it up and pay the immense fine, to which I just don't have the funding for at this point in time.

I will concede the benefit of the doubt and say that perhaps the sign got knocked over. Maybe the road crew or another cop removed the sign, thinking that the area was secure. But I swear on my life I didn't see one. Also--don't you normally put "Road Closed" signs in the middle of the road to prevent people from going further? I saw those white piles of phosphorus from the flares....usually when you see those piles, it means that whatever happen has been taken care of and you can continue. Also, the cop car was on the side of the road as opposed to blocking it from on coming traffic. All of this, combined with no visible "Road Closed" sign, to me anyhow at 3 AM while listening to Sirus NFL radio talk about how awful JeMarcus Russell is, means to me, that the roadway is open, but to proceed with caution. It scares me that I was in a position where I could have received a ticket for in my mind, correctly interpreting the scene that was in front of me. I also would like to add that instead of trying to nose my way through the construction area, I did come to a complete stop and wait for the officer to instruct me further. I was ill prepared for the interrogation and lecture.

I also find it very peculiar that the cops in this Township are the biggest jerks. Two encounters; two bitter tastes in my mouth. All the other local cops of the municipalities in which I conduct most of my daily activities are really nice guys. I know not a lot happens in this Township...other than the occasional Prison Break attempt or the Water Reservoir coming under stress and almost breaking, thus causing a disastrous flash flood, so maybe a guy like me allows these cops to get their kicks and in so doing, take the edge off. But seriously--why you gotta be like that? What good is it doing you or the community you swore to protect and serve?

As I turned around and started backwards to determine whether or not I had missed the Road Closed sign, I saw three other vehicles, one of the drivers on a cell phone, heading past the "Flagman" sign. I, in someway, felt vindicated.

Haunted House Tips

Gravestone Manor has been running for two weekends. I really hope that my friends and family are able to come see what we've been working hard on for almost six months.

However, I realize that some people who may read Haunted House Writer might not know me as well as others. I also would like to encourage those who have trepidations about coming to Gravestone Manor, or any haunted for that matter.

Here are some NEVER DO THIS AT A HAUNTED HOUSE tips.

1) Never tell anyone your name. Even if its the person selling you tickets or the person who tells you when to enter the actual house. Otherwise they will spread your name throughout the house and every room you enter. It can be creepy. If you are a polite person, kindly answer "What's your name" with "I'd rather not tell you."

2) Be careful about what you wear. If you wear a hoodie that says "U of Pitt" someone might say something like, "The sorcerer prefers souls from Pittsburgh" and then you are creeped out. Perceptive Haunted House workers constantly look for any little thing to add to the "creep" factor. Don't wear flip flops. That's for safety. Don't wear white. Sometimes white will glow in black light, thus painting you as the perfect target for someone lurking in the dark corner.

3) ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CELL PHONE IN YOUR POCKET!!!! The glow will also paint you as a target, it is distracting for both actors and other patrons. You may be scared and want more light, but the other people in your group may want to actually experience the Haunted House for what it is, so ultimately it's inconsiderate.

4) If something scares you, don't tell it that it scares you. Almost every tour I see something like this: A clown pops out of it's hiding spot, girl's huddle together and shout "I HATE CLOWNS," and now that guy in the clown outfit makes his way directly toward those girls and doesn't even care about the other people in the room. So even if you've just messed yourself, don't let anyone else know because you might mess yourself even more.

These are the things that come to mind right now. Please keep them in mind as you go Haunted House Hopping. Maybe you won't feel quite so anxious and you would be more willing to go with your friends. Please whatever you do, make sure one of those stops is Gravestone Manor.

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Gravestone Manor's Website

Thoughts on RENT in local theatres

Again, apologies for the delays but its Haunted House season and Gravestone Manor is kicking it into high gear.

That being said some of you might also be asking "I think this post is about Rent the Broadway Musical. What is scary about that?"

I would counter with "that is a good question." Then I would stare at you until you asked me what the answer was because I'm so exhausted this time of year that I would need a kick in the rear to keep going.

Here is why I'm including Rent in a blog about scary things. Recently Rent left Broadway. When that happens, other theatres can purchase the rights for it and then stage their own productions. Recently I saw one of these productions. Now friends, do not automatically assume that I am going to say bad things about what I saw because everyone who acted in the show did really well. I was very much impressed. But there were some trends that I saw that might happen in many theatrical renditions of Rent that are scary because they take something away from the show. Rent is a finely tuned machine. There are very few liberties that one can take. If you do something a little bit different you have to make sure that you don't take away from the show's strengths. This is more so a warning for anyone considering putting on a production of Rent and again, this is not a slight on any of the actors involved because I think everyone did exceptionally well.

1. In my experience, it is the tendency of theatres to try to incorporate as many people into their cast as possible. When they aren't paid professionals, the inclination is to be fair and to give a lot of people a chance. This is fine. It is not fine however for a show like Rent. There are 8 principle parts and a variety of smaller roles for the ensemble. The ensemble is to represent the rest of the city and those that the main characters encounter. So there is definitely a need to have a number of actors.

But it is very unnecessary and in fact quite dangerous to load the stage with actors. The production I saw had so many people on stage for the big numbers that it seemed like they were hurting for room. Rent is so incredible because of its energy. To simulate energy you need movement. To have movement you need space. When you load the stage with actors...you have no space. That was the big problem I had with the production I saw was that there were so many people on stage that the possibility for movement was almost non-existent. The actors all wanted to move and they had lots of energy, but it got lost when they really had nowhere to go. Something to consider.

B. Sometimes I change to letters. That's right, who caught that?

I'm afraid of this as well: We all love the Rent soundtrack. We have grown up with it and have listened to the voices of the original cast for how long? Some of us also have the movie soundtrack and also the DVD of the Final Performance to study as well. We know these songs inside and out. It is only our natural instinct to try to match what we know and love. But we don't have to do this. Trying to match the original soundtrack can actually decrease the quality of the live performance.

That being said I think people need to be cautious of this as well. It didn't happen often, but every so often there were a few times when singers would add unnecessary runs and inflections and what not. It wasn't a deal breaker, but something that caught my attention. We aren't Idina Menzel or Adam Pascal. Taking risks is okay if you know your limits. If we are lucky enough to be cast in Rent it is because someone recognized and appreciated our voices. Stay true to yourself and sing the song that it sounds good regardless of weather or not it sounds like the original. Just don't over do it. Remember this the next time you are on stage singing "Take Me or Leave Me."

3/C. Lastly...the thing we all need to be aware of: Angel does not have to be portrayed as flamboyant. His costuming will take care of that. He is sincere, he is gentle, he is the heart of the show. He holds everyone together to the best of his ability. To "gay him up" is distracting and in actuality takes away from the character. Remember: If you play Angel, have fun, be a drag queen, dress like Santa, play drums, jump up on the table and love Collins...but whatever you do, don't be flamboyant.

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True Blood Season 2 Finale

The True Blood Season Finale 2 sucked!

Is the above statement an accurate portrayal of of the episode?

or?

A Clever play on words about a vampire show?

Here's the problem. The way that the producer and writers of True Blood are organizing their show is very unique. This unique manner in which they are running their show doesn't really gel with the manner in which most other shows are run. That being said, True Blood's finale isn't completely as awful as everyone else seems to think it is. I feel that it's just misunderstood.

True Blood's unique vision can only be understood when compared to another TV show that follows a more conventional operation. Let's take a look at The Office's Season 2 finale.

The last thing we see in the finale is Jim walking up to Pam and kissing her on the lips. End of Show. Then when Season 3 starts, Jim is in Stamford, Pam has no ring on her finger, and it takes a little bit before the issue of Jim and Pam is even addressed. There is clearly a huge time gap between the two episodes and that's okay. When a show runs this way, the finale can be just that: A finale. Most of the story lines come to a close and give a clean slate for the next season.

True Blood is the opposite. The end of season one has Renee defeated, Bill sacrificing himself for Sookie, Sam resenting Sookie for choosing Bill, Andy Belfour sliding deeper into a drunken stuopr, Maryanne mysteriously showing up, and Layfette missing. Not too mention a dead body in Andy Belfour's car. End of episode.

The climax of this episode is the confrontation between Renee vs. Sam/Sookie/Bill. This happens at the end of the first half hour. The writers spend the rest of the episode ramping up for the next season and setting up most of the major plot hooks. This is risky because True Blood is such an action packed show, that we anticipate an even crazier finale. So in some ways we do not get the action packed finale we expect because the True Blood finales are actually more like two episodes in one.

But like The Office this is still okay and here is why: True Blood is running itself like one long movie. When the first episode of Season 2 starts, there is no time delay; it literally starts the moment after Season 1 ends. We just jump right back into the action. There is no time wasted trying to start the drama, because it's already been started for us in the finale. We've been waiting for a number of months for the start of the new season. During the run of the season we've had weekly episodes, so it's not like a four month wait for a brand new episode. In this manner it is the season premiere as opposed to the season finale that we are more ready and willing to sink our fangs into.

It's kinda like when we were in high school and we'd be watching a movie and then the bell would ring and the teacher would turn off the TV. When we came back the next day we picked up right where we left off. That's what the True Blood seasons are more akin too.

That being said however...Season 2's finale did have some...issues. Maryanne the Maenad was way too powerful an opponent when compared to the prejudice vampire hating Renee. Maryanne was a descendant of the Gods essentially and Renee was just a guy with a temper. Therefore the stage could have been set for an epic duel as opposed to an epic bull. The build up to that very creepy finale was amazing but the finale confrontation did not measure up. Sookie's powers were used only to knock over a statue and Maryanne seemed to give in just a little too quickly.

So over all, we should back off a little bit for thinking that the second half of the episode was not action packed, but those who feel that the Maenad confrontation was lack-luster are justified.

Oh...and the last misstep....there was far too little of this guy:

More Vampires

A few weeks ago, Haunted House Writer brought you the top cinema/screen/tv vampires according to SFX magazine. Clearly Vampires are all the rage right now. So surprise surprise when a few days later I found that Entertainment Weekly followed suit and published their top 25. Again, I'm only going to post the top ten most interesting vampires that way I don't ruin the whole list for you in case you want to go see it, but there are some interesting similarities and differences from the last list.

But let's start with some honorable mention Vampires first why don't we:

1. Count Von Count--Sesame Street
2. Grandpa Munster--The Munsters
3. Brett Farve--Professional Football...you all jest but when the last article about vampires was written at Haunted House Writer, Farve was "officially retired," and now at the publishing of this article...through a very specific and almost unimaginable set of circumstances...against my better judgement and happiness....he is my starting QB on my fantasy team...

Digression over. List Begins.

19. Selene--Underworld
15. Miriam Blayluck and Sarah Rogers--The Hunger
14. David--Lost Boys
11. Graf Orlok--Nosferatu
8. Mr. Barlow--Salem's Lot
7. Angel--Buffy the Vampire Slayer
5. Bill Compton & Eric Northman--True Blood
3. Dracula (Bela Lugosi)
2. Dracula (Christopher Lee)
1. Lestat--Interview with the Vampire

Agree/Disagree? Anyone Missing? Anyone who doesn't deserve to be there? How do you feel about this list compared to the SFX list. Leave some comments and lets get a vampiric discussion going on in here!

Move Review: District 9

So all of the buzz circling around Distric 9 since it's release has been incredible. Tweets, status updates, blogs, and blurbs have all been raving that District 9 is the movie to beat. One said to "drop what you're doing right now and see District 9." All this being said, I went to see the movie with much anticipation.

To borrow from one of the best movies of all time, "This is Spinal Tap," if everyone is saying that this movie goes to 11, I would say that it only goes to a 10. Although the short review would have me say, Black Hawk Down with aliens.

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of excellent things in this movie. This is the feature film debut of star Sharlto Copley who plays Wikus Van De Merwe (pronounced Vikus.) Sharlto turned in a wonderful performance of the mild-mannered, wanting to impress his boss and provide for his family type character only to be caught up in a movement that was larger than life. He really surprised me because when you first see him you think he's only going to be on screen for a short period of time but you soon learn that he is the main character and its a fact that makes you happy.

Additional strengths were the special effects. I mean it is Wetta, but still a sci-fi movie just always has the chance to go into "too cheesy mode." (Has anyone see the awful looking CGI for the Werewolf in the New Moon trailer?) That aside the aliens in this movie look phenomenal. The alien ship looks real. The alien weapons are amazing. District 9 is worth seeing alone for the electricity gun. ELECTRICITY GUN.

The one area of District 9 that made it so that it did not go to 11 is this: District 9 left a lot of loose ends and assumed that the audience knew as much as the characters. The point of the movie is that the aliens have been on Earth for 20 years. The movie we are watching is a documentary of how conditions and relations have evolved over the past 20 years. Therefore every character we meet within the film has 20 years of experience living with aliens on the planet Earth. That is not something we in the theater can comprehend as we have not experienced it.

However District 9 is presented as if we do have the same experience. There are so many opportunities where District 9 could have been given a little shot in the arm by explaining one or two things a little better. A little bit here and a little bit there makes for a lot of bit by the end. I'm talking about the "slice of life" moments as my one professor used to say. Example: Prawns are addicted to cat food = brilliant. More stuff like that, but there isn't a whole lot.

Let me attempt to illustrate the point by using the movie The Matrix. One of the most unique and revolutionary aspects of The Matrix is that the audience learns along with Neo. There is nothing that Neo knows that we don't (except Kung Fu.) Neo must analyze and process information about the matrix, agents, machines, sentinels, jacking in, Zion, the Oracle, etc at the same exact moment as the audience does. This is brilliant because the matrix is a foreign concept/world to the audience.

The world/concept of District 9 is even more foreign. There are aliens and it takes place in Africa. Even if you take out the aliens there is a lot about African culture and sub-culture that is just as new to most audience members but it is only lightly touched upon. I think just that a little bit of fleshing out could have helped bump this movie to 11. But this one little misstep aside, it still is a solid 10 and is definitely worth a watch.

Agree? Disagree? Let us all know by leaving a comment!

Also, after I posted my review, I found this review on Twitter....maybe I'm more qualified than I thought... http://www.filmjunk.com/2009/08/19/5-lessons-hollywood-can-learn-from-district-9/

Blink-182 Summer Reunion Tour

First: Apologies for the gap in between posts. Internships, spending time with loved ones and friend, fantasy football, writing, and a variety of other things have unfortunately kept me away.


Second: I know this post doesn't really jive with the theme of Haunted House Writer. I ask that you'll indulge me this one post as it has been five years since a band that has been extremely influential in the world of underground music has graced the stage and even longer than that since I've seen them in concert. Also, some of you who read this blog might be going to see them at a different show so perhaps this will be a good preview.


Venue: Hershey Park Stadium. August 12, 2009
Chester French, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, Blink-182

CHESTER FRENCH: The concert was slated to start at 6:30. At 6:10 it started to shower just a little bit. At 6:15 it started to pour. Big, huge, drops. Most people went inside. We thought that the rain would pass and getting a little wet might help keep us cool in the 80 degree weather. Five minute later it started to thunder and lightning and ten minutes later, already soaking wet, I bought ponchos. Then I put all of our stuff, phones, wallets, in the little plastic bag that came with the poncho. I had a purse. I checked the time when I did that and it was 6:30. The roadies were covering the stage with plastic. Things did not look good. Around 7:00 we saw people heading to the stage, but it was not Chester French. It was....


PANIC(!) AT THE DISCO: Yes, Chester French (un)fortunately got rained out. Panic At the Disco took the stage adorned in tuxedos and suits. They played mainly stuff from "A Fever You Can't Sweat Out." They started with "Time To Dance," and Brenden Urie thanked the crowd for waiting and putting up with the "s***** rain." They played "Nine in the Afternoon," "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies," and a number of others including one from the up coming CD.

I don't know if it was the rain, or apparently a potential break up but the band didn't seem very into it. Panic At the Disco's myspace as of Monday only listed Brenden and Spencer as the two band members and Rolling Stone seemed to hint at this rumor. But there were four people there that kinda looked liked the normal band and people were leaving comment on the band's websites saying things like, "I'm so glad you didn't break up." So I don't know. Regardless of the reason and the conditions the songs were still good and it was a good time.

FALL OUT BOY: So Panic! At the Disco leaves the stage and it takes a long time for them to set up for Fall Out Boy. It was feared that another long rain delay would ensue. Stagehands rolled out big letters "F" "O" and "B" and placed them in front of the raised drum platform. About twenty minutes later the lights faded, the crowd went crazy, the FOB started to glow blue, and as if a heavenly sign that this band is somehow the chosen people, the rain subsides and some feint rays of sunlight graced the stage at the same moment as the band. Fall Out Boy opened up with "Sugar We're Going Down." Pete Wentz said it was easy to make the girls cheer for the band, but asked where his "dudes," were at. He also thanked the crowd for being in the rain and stated: "You'll be well lubricated for Blink-182. Fall Out Boy played favorites such as, "This Ain't A Scene, It's an Arms Race," "I Don't Care," "Where is Your Boy Tonight," "Saturday," "Dance, Dance," "Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown," and a couple others. The band also informed us that they aren't always about emo lyrics, eyeliner, and sitting in a corner crying about things. Apparently they are sometimes "fun dudes."

Patrick Stump has an amazing voice. Despite being live and despite singing in the rain, he still sounded as if it were of studio quality. It was appreciated that their set varied in songs from all four albums. The band was extremely into the show as was noted by their energy. Just as the final rays of sun finally disappeared and it was dark, Pete Wentz asked the crowd, "Do you want to hear 'The Breaks Over, The Takes Over,' or some super fun old stuff." Brendan Urie of Panic At the Disco was invited back to the state. The crowd cheered for "super fun old stuff," and believe it or not folks, with a stage doused in blue lights, Fall Out Boy, with Brendan on vocals, played "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey and it sounded amazing.

The only sucky part was that Pete Wentz told us that due to the rain delays that they were playing a shorter set so that we could hear the entire Blink-182 show, which was awesome yet awful at the same time.


BLINK-182: As soon as the demi-gods, Fall Out Boy, leaves the stage, the rain lets loose again. Worse than before. Watching the clouds it seemed as if the storm we had before circled back around and hit us again, this time with greater ferocity and with lightning. I'm serious, those clouds were dark. There was another long delay. Stagehands were using squeegees to push water off the stage. We were soaked.

But finally a shirtless Travis Barker and shirted Mark Hoppus and Tom Delonge take the stage. They open with "Dumpweed." I seriously felt like I was 16 again. Travis Barker, despite the plane crash, sounded amazing on the drums. As like the other bands before, Mark thanked the crowd for waiting in the rain and said, "since we're in Hershey, this must be Chocolate Rain." Mark then started jumping on the stage so that the water was kicking up behind him. He looked like he was 16 again.

The only problem I had with the Blink-182 set was that they played only from Enema of the State, Take Off Your Pants and Jacket, and Blink-182. The only songs they played from Cheshire Cat and Dude Ranch were "Josie," "Dammit," and "Carousel." Kinda left me wanting a bit more in that department.

During the song "Down," Tom messed up and he apologized to the crowd. Then Mark asked the crowd, "Did Tom get a 'C' on that song, or did he completely fail at life, under God, and as a human being and let everyone down." The crowd voted for the later, but then Tom retorted, "Jesus wouldn't vote."

The best thing about the Blink-182 show was that they didn't change. It's been five years and they are still belching, making dirty jokes, and acting like Blink-182. Their music may have matured but they sure haven't and that's what makes them amazing. When Mark realized that the crowd had been standing in the rain for three hours he opened a bottle of water and then doused himself. Then during the next song he slipped and fell and knocked the bass out of tune. Tom thought everyone complaining about the rain and cold were wimps. But then he too complained and demonstrated how slippery the stage was when he put his guitar on the ground and slid it all the way over to Mark who picked it up and made the stagehand chase him to get it. It was nice however, to see Tom and Mark give each other a high five and hug to show that despite their differences they are actually amazing friends in an amazing band and they have put their differences behind them. If you have a chance to see this tour, do it.