Social Media Depleting Heroes?

When we think of "heroes," we think of two types of people.

1) Super Heroes: These are the guys in the comic books and the movies who fight for justice, and perform epic feats of epicness.

2) Real Life Heroes: The people who go above and beyond the call of duty to give much of themselves to help their fellow man.

There are countless heroic stories out there about many people who have done great things to help improve the quality of life for other people on this planet. However, for various reasons these real life heroes are not having their stories heard. Why is this? I am starting to cast my eye toward social media.

Now, this is not to say that social media is evil, because when used properly it isn't. This is instead to say that social media is doing something to people in general in terms of how they process news and information. Twitter and Facebook give us almost instant access to news. There is no waiting period and almost instant gratification. Just as soon as we see one news story, there is a new one ready to take its place. This rapid fire information almost provides us with the sense that if we actually take the time to read an entire news article, we may miss out on the next big story.

Likewise, since we as a culture seem to be fixated on the types of stories that involved immoral acts committed by unscrupulous characters, this means that even more positive stories fall to the wayside. Is social media really contributing to the notion that we have so little time until the next piece of news comes out that we don't have enough time to invest into reading stories and actually honoring real life heroes?

I tried to think of the most recent honest-to-goodness heroes in our country over the past couple of years. I purposely did not do any research in order to prove my point of how little time we give to those who truly deserve the recognition. Please do not think that the lack of names is lazy, it is to prove a point.

1) Current Military Service Men and Women. These guys do so much for a country and we don't give them enough credit.

2) Sully. I can't even remember his full name, but this is the pilot who successfully crash landed the passenger plane in the Hudson River, in a manner that prevented any loss of life.

3) The man who jumped onto the subway tracks to push another man down so that the train passed only inches above their heads. Both individuals were fine. I don't recall his name either, but I distinctively remember President George W. Bush acknowledging him during one of his final State of the Union addresses.

4) The Passengers of Flight United 93 for their heroic sacrifice on 9/11 to prevent that group of terrorists from strike another target that would have claimed hundreds of other lives.

5) Mother Theresa. 'Nuff Said.

That's four entries. I'm sure we can debate about other people who could be added to this list. The point is that I've only recalled these specific people. Now I will grant that truly heroic events are rare and that this list wasn't going to be overflowing with names as is, but surely between the time Sully landed that plane and now, there have been actions taken by people that are equally deserving of praise. Are we just too caught up with negative stories to notice? Or are we too conditioned by rapid news provided by social media to invest the time in stories that would honor real life heroes?

Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Brilliant Dreams Fade to Horrible Nightmares

Did you ever have one of those ideas that you thought was iron-clad? An idea that seemed so fool-proof you literally dedicated yourself to it...or at the very least were forced to by your grandma? An idea that is supposed to solve all of your problems? An idea that is so popular, that everyone else seemed to be doing it too? It happened to me.

Here's my story:

When I was younger, my grandma loved Beanie Babies. She loved them so much, that she was one of the luminaries for the phrase, "They're going to be worth something some day." And so, she passed on that thought process to me, because I just happened to have Congo the Monkey amongst my toy collection. When I was told about how much money they were going to be worth, I looked at Congo and saw dollar signs.

I remember the craze: Always checking to see when Hallmark would get a new shipment, which ones were going to be retired, when there would be hobby days (or as I affectionately called it: Card day) at the mall, my grandmother getting into shoving matches with other ladies, buying the Beanie Baby guide, the "Teeny Beanie Babies" from McDonalds, plastic protectors for the TY tag, and even buying plastic cases to keep them safe. It was a sure fire idea.

Now I invite you all to take a look at this picture. In case you can't read it, it says "Retired Beanie Babies $2.00." RETIRED! I recall days where you would see retired Beanie Babies on sale at a hobby shop for hundreds of dollars, now you can just buy them for two? What happened? Where was this crazy value? I know it hasn't been a heck of a lot of time, but this is crazy. Oh another important note: That picture was taken in a Factory Card Outlet...not a Hallmark.

These things were supposed to pay off my student loans. What the hell happened?

Bottom Line: If you have any idea like this check yourself. It's fun to be involved in a craze and to be in the know and watching out for your future...but don't go so far over the edge that if something happens you can't bring yourself back. It is absolutely horrifying to me, based on the memories that I have of the literal craziness surrounding this bean-filled-creatures, that you can now buy retired renditions for $2.00 at a Factory Card Outlet. Be careful with your money people because now all I have is a huge red wicker basket filled with tons of Beanie Babies...and hope.

Anyone have any similar stories about Beanie Babies or failed investment plans? Who was your favorite Beanie Baby? Let us know in the comment section. (Mine was Radar the Bat...and sadly the only one I ever really wanted but was never able to obtain.)

Photo Credit: Sarah Pugh

Horrifying Marketing

Every so often I see or hear something that is just so absurd and ludicrous, I don't know what else to do about it. Then I remember that Haunted House Writer hasn't had a blog post in a while, so I decide to vent about it there.

One such thing happened last week. It is horrifying that what I'm about to tell you actually was approved by a corporate marketer somewhere, that people probably have actually spent money on this, and that it might actually be illegal.

Last week I was in a Halmark store to pick up a sympathy card for a dear friend of mine's family. Fellow writer, and an amazing one at that too, Mike Workstel unfortunately has left this Earth. He's death was untimely and unfair. He is loved and will be missed by countless people.

While searching for this card, I happened upon the product that you see in the picture above. What you see is a fake dollar bill with a picture of Hannah Montana on it instead of George Washington. It also comes in plastic sleeve.

My initial instinct was to balk, because I hate Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. I think she sends a horrible message that if you aren't happy with who you are, you can just put on a blonde wig and be someone else. How is that helping the pre-teen girls of America? Throw on top of that the number of pictures that Miley has posted of herself on the Internet, and you have a 100% amazing role model right there.

Once my hatred subsided, I actually investigated this product a bit further because it felt like a real dollar bill. I was somewhat impressed by the notion that they were able to achieve strikingly similar textures. That's when I noticed that the picture of Hannah Montana was actually a sticker and it was actually placed over GEORGE WASHINGTON'S FACE! That's right, it was a real dollar bill, just with a sticker over it.

A) How is that not illegal? Isn't that defacement of government currency? Even more so because they are selling it?

B) How can we stand for someone valuing Hannah Montana more than George Washington? What has Hannah Montana done for us? Sing some songs? Have a TV that is suited to a very specific demographic? Posted naughty pictures of herself online? Granted she's an entertainer...but how many people is she really entertaining folks? George Washington fought for this country's foundation and survival. Oh by the way, he turned down the title of King because he didn't want to end up like the one that he had just helped freed American from. Instead he insisted upon President. He is selfless. He is a hero. He is an icon. HE IS NOT TO BE SULLIED BY HANNAH-F-ING-MONTANA.

The sticker price for this item: $5.99

That means for $5.99 you have just purchased:

1) A sticker of Hannah Montana that has already been stuck somewhere.

2) A plastic sleeve

3) A dollar bill

YOU BOUGHT A DOLLAR BILL FOR $5.99! Okay fine, I guess really, you've acquired it for $4.99 but that is not the point.

This is outrageous. How can this be allowed to stand? People...if you find yourself in a store pondering whether or not you should purchase this item, please check your stupid meters and DON'T. If your child really wants this item, please sit them down and explain how it would be better for the human race if they didn't have this item.

As a final though, in the words of Comedic Unaware Genius Richard M. Burgess:

"No, this, this is stupid."

Agree? Please leave a comment. Disagree...please go seek professional help.

PS: Check out Sandwich Warriors new website: Sandwich Warrior

Gravestone Manor 2010 Teaser Trailer

Hello there faithful readers. Just a quick update today:

The Haunted House at which I work, Gravestone Manor, recently updated its website. Right now we've included a teaser trailer for this year's show!

If you are interested, make sure you check it out: Gravestone Manor 2010 Trailer

Gravestone Manor is a theatrical haunted attraction that benefits the United Way of the Wyoming Valley.

Throw up some comments on what you think? Scared yet?

True Blood Turning Into Pirates of the Caribbean 2?

Okay, so this blog is supposed to be about things that are frightening, scary, or creepy. I initially intended for that to be movies, TV shows, and books. But these types of things don't always exist for me to review. Or--if I didn't post more regularly while reading a book or waiting for a movie to come out, then there would be unnecessarily long gaps between posts. (Notice the gap between the last two posts. Not Good Mr. Frodo.) So every so often there will be some filler posts. I'm planning an upcoming posts on salad dressings.

But luckily for us, this post has something to do with a horror themed medium: True Blood. I am very pro True Blood for many reasons, but being a writer I am not one to sit here and think that it is infallible. It definitely has issues...like its season 2 finale.

But season 3 has just kicked off, and we are already 3 episodes in. I've noticed an alarmingly increasing trend with each episode...and I'm afraid. Before I go any further, please watch this video so that you can get a frame of mind of where I'm coming from. (Yes I know its about "Pirates of the Caribbean 2")

Ask a Ninja Reviews "Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest"

Okay, now that we are all on the same page, here's how I want to apply this to True Blood:

I think one of the best qualities about the show is that there are so many characters. It actually feels like a town and each character has his or her own little quirks. You know each character, what they think about supernaturals, their role in the town, and all that jazz. It is also nice every so often to see that each of them has something going on in their lives, because its very realistic.

But...

There is a lot going on so far this season and if the writers are not careful to reign it in, True Blood might turn into Pirates.

In Season 1 and most of Season 2 every body had their own story, but because the show remained focused on Bon Temps, it was very easy to integrate all those stories together. Frequently, you were able to tell several stories at the same time because everyone was present. You actually feel the sense of community, even between the characters who didn't like each other.

But in Season 3, everyone is all over the place. Bill is in Mississippi, Sookie and Alcide are all over the place after Bill, Eric is in Bon Temps in hot water with the Magister and the Queen, Tara is suicidal and with strange new vampire Franklin, Jessica is in shock over killing someone and breaking up with Hoyt, Hoyt is grieving at Jason's house, Jason sees bullet holes in peoples heads and wants to be a cop, Bud quit, Andy Bellfleur is having delusions of grandeur but also committing a crime, Sam Merlotte is off looking for his real family, Arlene is pregnant with Renee's baby, Terry thinks its his, Lafayette is trying to stop Tara from killing herself while also trying to move his V before Pam kills him, Pam is well just being weird, we haven't seen Chow, Lorena is on fire and having weird vampire relations with Bill, and there is strange mysterious girl they showed for a second during the scene when Jason helped bust up the druggies. Did I forget anyone?

Most of these story lines don't run parallel with each other, which means that its harder and harder to focus longer periods of time upon them. Everything is jumping back and forth really quick, at times and with all the exposition, there has been little to know action.

Right now, things have not gotten out of hand. I know that it's still early in the season and they are trying to set everything up. Once the expositions starts, maybe things will take off. I really hope so. If not we're going to end up with Bill, Eric, and Alcide fighting for Sookie on top of a huge runaway mill wheel. Sigh.

Alan Ball: Here's your warning. Please don't let True Blood get too expansive. The show works best when these characters work together and are some semblance of a community. Please don't stay away from that too long. Signed--All of us.

For a more detailed review of each episode check out Reality Bites (this is the first one, there are more on the site, please check them out!)

Where Has the Haunted House Writer Been?

So where has the haunted house writer been? He was posting on a fairly regular basis, but then all of the sudden, away he went. It was sad face, wasn't it? Did some of you think that the haunted house writer was no more? Then you'd be incorrect.

This blog was started to keep the haunted house writer writing. Over the past couple of months, writing has happened. Both on a personal and professional level. The Haunted House Writer has been busy writing at his job, because all he does at his job is write. This excites him, but sometimes makes it difficult for him to write blogs when he gets home at night.

Here are some other things that the Haunted House Writer has been up to, if you'd like to stay up to date with his going ons:

Gravestone Manor: He has been working hard on helping to write the script for this year's upcoming show. He hopes you all attend this theatrical haunted house and you can learn more information at Gravestone Manor's Official Website.

Sandwich Warrior: What do you do with the spam email you receive? Delete it? At Sandwich Warrior, we take email spam, and turn it into email spam haiku. There is a new one each work day, and you can view them at Sandwich Warrior's Official Website.

TrueBloodNet.com: TrueBloodNet.com is the only HBO approved fan site for their hit TV show, True Blood. The Haunted House Writer has been helping write for this site both in terms of news articles and for the Fangtasy section. His most notable accolades include the Ask Dr. L column and the episode review column Reality Bites, where the real residents of Bon Temps weigh on how they think the show portrays their town.

Please check out and support all these great sites and organizations. And keep checking back. The Haunted House Writer is alive and well. Or Undead and well if you please.

Fantasy Football Drafts

Apologies for the length between posts. Very busy. But onward!

This past weekend was the 75th Annual NFL Draft. This is the time when college football standouts will learn with which team they will start their NFL careers.

As I was listening to draft coverage, I started thinking about whether or not these rookies would be valuable picks when the fantasy football season rolls around.

But I remember that last year during fantasy season, that a lot of people were making fun of guys who get into their fantasy football leagues. They say that its just a game, or people devote too much energy into it, or its not even real.

Nevermind that it helps you learn who the current players are, hones your ability to make accurate predictions, lets you interact with the sport in a fun and exciting way, or makes watching games between teams you hate at least interesting (in case they are the only game on.)

I mean and at the very least, at the end of the day, there is nothing lost, except maybe twenty bucks. Even if you still can't let go of the fact that Jim Zorn pulled Jason Campbell at the end of the first half and all you needed him to do was throw for twenty more yards to win the game you needed to go to the playoffs, its still just for fun.

Then I thought about something that was similar: Stock Brokers.

These guys have to analyze and predict what the stock market will do, much like football players. But these guys base their lives on it. They could get fired or lose millions of dollars for not being accurate enough. We've all heard the stories of the guys who made foolish decisions, lost their life savings, and then jumped from an open window.

But nobody makes fun of them. For stock brokers, its literally life or death and they are doing essentially the same thing, when you think about it.

So next time you're about to make a crack concerning someone who plays fantasy football, think about the recession and what not that we've been in. Do you think a die hard football fan had anything to do with that? Other than being part of the unemployed percentage?

Domino's New Pizza Revamp

To Start: Apologies for the gap between posts. New Job, which is awesome, but also has me blogging every so often. Therefore, when I come home...I sometimes don't feel like Blogging.


Anyways: Domino's has recently been going through this whole "we are making our pizza better" campaign. They've shown "real" customers complaining about the old Domino's Pizza. Then, they show officials and chefs talking about how much it hurts their feelings and how they are going to make Domino's New Pizza a heck of a lot better.


I can't help but think that Domino's has got to have a lot of guts to be making such a big deal about making new and better Pizza. They need to have a distinctive new taste. So for the Super Bowl, I am sort of intrigued when am asked to pick up some Domino's New Pizza to take to the party.


Now, treasured reader, I need to begin this by saying that there is a long description of how this version of Domino's Pizza is 50 years in the making.


So you will imagine my obvious initial question: It took you 50 years to make this?


I could go into a length dissertation about how each individual claim is 100% erroneous...but I'm pretty sure you all know that Domino's Old Pizza is....well....bad. Domino's New Pizza is....well...bad. Its just that this time around there is a little extra flavoring on the crust.


I want to say I'm let down....but then I would have to actually admit that I had high expectations and that's just something I'm not prepared to do on a public forum such as this.


Anyone else have any comments on the New Domino's Pizza?

Why Christmas Needs to Stop

For those of you who are loyal readers, you will know that I have issues with the fact that Christmas dominates most of the calender year. I will stress now that whenever I address Christmas in this manner, it is purely from the secular viewpoint, which is sadly the more emphasized viewpoint anyways. Although I'm a Halloween supporter, I don't hate Christmas. I love the lights and decorations. I love presents. I love trees. I just don't like them in stores before November.

For my complete thoughts on this issue, kindly view this earlier post "Christmas Needs to Stop."

When I wrote that earlier post , I was looking at things from the angle of someone who loves Halloween and was mad. Other than equal representation of the two different holidays, I really had nothing to back myself on in terms of why Christmas needs to be toned down, other than you're insane if you really need to be buying Christmas paraphernalia in any other month that November (Preparation,) December (Actual month of the holiday,) or January (post Christmas discounts.)

Now, having gone through yet another Christmas season, with the above prospective in mind, I have discerned that it is actually unhealthy to have Christmas for so long, and it has nothing to do with Halloween. Here's why:

It is now four days into January. I've been starting to get back into my normal routine and have been able to catch up with people with whom I haven't seen that much over the holiday season. I will ask, "how was your Christmas?" I will be met with one of the following answers:

"I can't believe its already over."

"I'm just glad its over with."

"I celebrate Russian Christmas and that hasn't happened yet."

The point being is that we spend so much time preparing for Christmas, that by the time it gets here, we're almost sick of it. We've heard each recording of each Christmas song at least a hundred times, we've been shopping for so long because we've always got to run out to get that one last gift, the lights have been up forever, we've wrapped so many presents, the smell of pine now permeates the house, and the poinsettias are starting to lose their leaves.

Why do we prepare for something so much only to hate it by the time it arrives. Its not like once you open the presents Christmas morning that its done and you can relax. Nope, you've got to clean up the wrapping paper, go see everyone else, cook food, eat food, refrigerate food. I would argue that the hours after Christmas morning are even more stressful than those before. Likewise, since we've been thinking about Christmas since August, December flies by much to fast and we don't actually take the time to take in the actual holiday. "I can't believe Christmas is in two days." Well that's because you've gotten so numb and regimented to the holiday season that you've literally lost track of time. There's no time or way to appreciate the actual month of celebrating because its been too "in our face," for so long.

Its an unhealthy build up of anticipation. Its the moment that we've been waiting for, where we've spent time making ourselves and our houses look perfect. We add a little bit decoration to make the moment unforgettable. We think about it constantly, growing even more excited and impatient for that singular moment. Then finally it comes, where you gather with your loved one(s,) open up your packages, put on your clothes, play with your toys, and scream with joy as you realize that you've finally gotten what you've wanted. It last for that magical moment until the last present has been unwrapped. Then...the downhill slide. We're your gifts good for you? Was it the wrong size? Wrong color? Not quite what you expected? Now we have to go over your parents? And eat even more food? But I'm tired now and just want to go bed and cuddle...my new fleece blanket. Fine, I'll get dressed and we'll go to your family's house. It's not like its a special day for me too or anything.

For all of you our sakes...let's reduce the amount of tension around Christmas and please just hem it back in to a more sizable and realistic time frame.

Holiday Scares = Gift Bags

Yes, I know, I'm a Halloween person. October is the scary time, Christmas is the peaceful time. Well, it's supposed to be the peaceful time, but with all the shopping, wrapping, traveling, cooking, it's rarely peaceful.

That being said then, why do you, the faithful reader, find a post near the end of December that has to do with something frightening? I would answer: That is a good question, to your hypothetical query.

Very few things about Christmas scare me, other than it's massive consumption of most of the calender year. But every year, inevitably something happens when I find myself more uncomfortable than when I was in high school, trying to muster up the courage to ask someone to go with me to the semi-formal.

When I wake up and look under my tree, or when I go to my family's houses, or when I exchange gifts with friends, I will no doubt, eventually find myself at the mercy of a gift bag.

Now I understand that gift bag is a nice and simple way to wrap one's presents. It's efficient, is a reusable resource, saves paper, can be made to look extremely festive, and it is easy to carry a number of presents in one convenient carrying device. One could argue that its the cheap way out of wrapping, but I would counter that if you've ever received a wrapped present from me, then you'd understand why some people need to rely upon bags.

But when one is plopped down in front of you, a panic ensues. Here is a supposed self conversation or "self talk" as Lev Vygotski would label it, when the brain receives the neurological impulses that are coded to spell "gift bag."

Friend: Here, before you go, you have to open up your presents.

Brain: Presents? I can't wait! I'm barely able to release a chemical into your system to restrain you from ripping open the wrapping paper like a rabid animal, I'm so excited.

You: Oh, you didn't have too.

Friend: No, no, it's the holidays and we're friends, how can I not?

Brain: You're darn right it's the holidays, you were going to be shunned if there weren't presents after I helped you move last month.

You: What a lovely surprise!

Friend: Here you go...*sets down gift bag in front of you*

Brain: Uh-oh...gift bag...look panicked now. Let's analyze...it's a rather big bag...one large gift...or several small? You've been sitting here with your mouth open for five minutes, say something you idiot.

You: Wow, what a festive bag.

Friend: I know, I found it at the Dollar Tree.

Brain: Dollar Tree eh? Can't splurge on nice wrapping paper...alright that probably means its several small and inexpensive gifts. Approach with caution. Here's some serotonin so you can feign enthusiasm.

You: Wow, a book light? This is useful because I read books!

Brain: Bring it down a notch Tallulah...alright that was too small of a package to be the only thing in that bag...slowly and humbly reach in again...

Friend: I hope you like this next gift.

Brain: Let me guess...I'm a brain, guessing's what I do...a book?

You: A coupon for a free Frosty? Wow!

Friend: Well I know how much you like desert.

Brain: Which is true...but you didn't notice the Cold Stone that just opened up?

You: I can't wait to use this.

Brain: Okay...now the tricky part...is there anything else in that bag...two was a good number...three might be pushing it...stop drooling...if you go to look and there's nothing, you'll look like an idiot sifting through tissue paper...and you might seem greedy...no smart way out is to pretend like you think there's nothing else in the bag...people should write a number on the bag indicating the number of items inside.

You: That's it?

Brain: Damn...did I make you say that out loud? Uh oh..say something clever...don't hurt feelings.

You: It's your job to think.

Brain: Don't let them know that...okay, now you look crazy...tell them how stressed you are.

You: Sorry, its just my family is driving me nuts this time of year and I just lost my job and the Niners aren't in the play offs...I guess what I meant is that I could sure use more than one Frosty, I'm very appreciative and this small gesture of friendship is probably the most heart warming gift I've gotten all year.

Friend: Aww well thank you, it was just something small.

Brain: Wow...well done...here's some more serotonin....great...your passed out on the floor now...maybe that was too much.

Hollister Needs To Stop

This post has been brewing for some time. Every time it almost becomes manifest, something else distracts it, or something else becomes more pertinent. But with the Holiday Season here and most people spending more time at shopping centers, this post can no longer be denied.



HOLLISTER NEEDS TO STOP!!!!!!


Some clarifications before we continue:

• All of these examples are based upon the mall I most frequent. My mall is on the smaller side, which probably adds to the frustration.


• The Hollister in my mall is located extremely close to the JC Penny's, which is the store from which I usually enter the mall because of it's close proximity to Auntie Anne's Pretzels...those sugar cinnamon pretzels are phenomenal.


• I know other stores are guilty of what is about to be commented on, but those other stores don't exist inside this mall.
  

Why is it that Hollister and related popular and horribly over priced clothing stores feel the need to pollute their stores and subsequently the mall(s) with their offensive air perfume? What good does this do? I don't appreciate going into that store and then hating how I smell when I come out. The smell literally makes me sick because it is so overpowering. When you put on cologne you put on like what, one...two sprays at most? I remember when I was in 7th grade how awful the locker room would smell after gym class and the guys would be changing back into their normal clothes. They would use entire bottles or cans of cologne so that they still smelt nice. It made me sick, gave me a headache, and now I smelt like eight different fragrances because there were so many in the air. Hollister's air perfume is so strong and potent that it reminds me of a high school locker room. That's not a good thing. Also...can it be healthy to be inhaling that all day if you work there?

So the main complaint here is that Hollister is being horribly intrusive. Yeah I know that the smell literally reeks of "popular." Yes I know it is a marketing technique that most in some way be effective because Hollister is still around and charging young Americans $150 for a coat that looks exactly like a $45 coat that I saw at the Bon-Ton. (Which by the way...we say Bon- Tawn...but the word is spelt Ton...like..."felt like that weighed a ton." Why did this store purposefully mispronounce a word?) Also, I thought Hollister was a beach/summer themed store? Why selling these coats? Are they so unused to coats that have to jack the price to make up for all the initial investment for a coat pattern, coat engineers, and coat materials?

The smell wouldn't bother me if it wasn't so omnipresent. If it only existed inside the store and perhaps floated just outside of it so that a passerby might smell the air perfume and perhaps be becokened to enter this dark and mysterious place then fine. But I can smell it from almost every store in the mall. Especially when I first walk in at Penny's. I get halfway into the store and I can't even see out into the mall yet and I can smell Hollister, right by the escalators. I constantly hear Penny's employees complaining about the odor. It literally lingers throughout the mall as if a cheap undercutting ploy. Its like a witch doctor has created this sentient potion that goes out into the other stores and enters your body through your nose and implants a message into your brain as if it's hypnotising you: "Come...come to Hollister and spend more money for goods of a similar quality." When I"m at F.Y.E or Game Stop, or Spencer's Gifts (what...I like their hats) I don't want to be thinking about Hollister, yet it is impossible because of this horribly intrusive and repugnant odor.

Equally as intrusive is how the store front literally juts out into the mall thoroughfares. This picture show an example of how ridiculous a Hollister store front can actually be. It literally narrows the walking space in the mall because across from Hollister, in the middle of the walkway, is a T-Mobile stand filled with employees who just shout at you, "what kinda cell phone you got?" On the other side of that is an Aerie, which also used Air Perfume, but unlike Hollister, it stays inside the store and just barely filters out the front door. All this makes this particular stretch of the mall difficult to navigate because the Hollister side's smell makes me sick and there is seriously very little space due to how far out the store is, I want to avoid the annoying guys at T-Mobile, and I really have no reason to go into Aerie. Seriously, those two big pillars are like these giant hands trying to reach out to mall patrons and grab the money right out of their pockets, if only as a fee for, "smelling our scent."

So all in all Hollister needs to tone it down a notch. When I go to the mall, I want to go to the mall, not a huge Hollister. If I ever get a Hollister rep to read this, please please please pull down the lever on the air perfume. It's not good for anything really. Maybe if I go shopping at the mall after a football game and I'm all sweaty and gross but I didn't have time to shower, I'll hop into Hollister and let the air perfume saturate my clothing to help mask my smell, but that's really about it, and I usually don't go to the mall right after football games.

Did anyone ever think this: That smell is so overpowering that they have to go through a lot of it. Maybe the cost of that odor is so high, that's why Hollister has to charge an arm and a leg for their clothing. Maybe if they stopped polluting the mall air, their prices could be more reasonable.

Agree/Disagree? Leave a comment.

Twilight New Moon Realizations

There is no denying that Twilight has a huge following. We may wish that it didn't. We may wish that the tween/young adults of America...nay...the world would have more of a brain in their skulls to realize what over indulgent dribble the Twilight saga really is in comparison to other notable fads, and in that vein wish that the aforementioned group would dedicate some of their brain cells to realizing what horrible literature Twilight really is. Horror affictionadios may despise Stephenie Meyer for "what she has done to vampires."

But all that stashed aside, it is still widely received and it is apparent that it unfortunately is not going to go away. Even if real vampires were to emerge and they all looked like Eric Northman, I still think Twilight would stay around. This saddens me.

So since I've tried my hardest to fight it...apparently the rest of my guerrilla army friends have given up the fight, and I but one man, have not the influence, nor the dashingly good looks, to sway the swarming throngs of Twilight fans away from this garbage that is spelling the downfall of American society.

Therefore...I've chosen to try to identify what exactly it is about Twilight that makes girls scratch their necks to the point of bleeding when merely in the presence of Robert Pattinson.

Everyone I ask about Twilight, after I go off on my rant about how Twilight vampires aren't really vampires, will say, "well I still love the romance aspect." Okay. That's fair. I mean I guess if I were a girl I'd like being adored by a vampire who was only attracted to me in the first place because I was the only girl whose mind he couldn't read. I also suppose that I'd like for him to leave me despite the fact that there are still other vampires, not to mention jealous shifters around. I also surmise that I'd like to be impregnated by his undead DNA and then have him rip the baby out of me with his fangs, because I'm so sure that he is certified as an OBGYN. But alas, I'm not a girl, so I can't completely wrap my head around how un-ridiculous that all sounds.

So then that brings us to the movies. Prior to the casting of Robert Pattinson, girls could have the image of the perfect man to be their Edward Cullen. It could be their secret crush. It could be the older neighborhood boy. I could be the high school quarterback. It could be the guy who would never notice "me." But then when it was announced that the movie would be made and it was Robert Pattinson, the image of Edward Cullen was solidified forever. It didn't matter who it was. It could have been Jonah Hill cast as Edward Cullen and the reaction would have been the same. The point was that now Edward Cullen had a face. Edward Cullen had an image. Girls/Fans can now close the eyes and see the physical image that is their one true love. The ultimate lover has now been made real. It didn't matter who, it just matter that it was someone. So that is why I don't think Robert Pattinson is the actual real appeal for the Twilight fans.

I don't normally assess males for their attractiveness but all I have to say is, Robert Pattinson? Really? I mean he is pretty much following the same trend as Hayden Christiansen, except he is more emo. Because let's be fair: They are both undead...from a certain point of view.

That brings us next to Kristen Stewart. Now, I do normally assess females for their attractiveness and all I have to say is Kristen Stewart? Really? I mean normally when it comes to chick flicks, and lets once again be fair, Twilight and it's Saga-parts are nothing more than a glorified chick flick, at least the boyfriend who has been dragged along can look at a pretty girl. But when I think Kristen Stewart, my only frame of reference is when she was in "Panic Room." In this film she plays the diabetic, "my life sucks cause I'm the daughter of a single mom," type character. I believe you substitute diabetic for psychic blocking and you essentially have the same character. But anyways in this film, Stewart is like 13. This was my first time seeing the actress, so for me, now, even though she's in Twilight, I know her as a 13 year old girl, and that is in NO WAY APPEALING. So obviously Kristen Stewart also can not be the driving factor behind the Twilight craze. I mean also because now Kristen and Robert are irrevocably in love for realz IRL. So there is no hope for any fan girl to have her very own Edward Cullen.

So then that brings us to Vampires. Vampires are the only thing about Twilight that make Twilight stand out. I mean really girls pine to be Bella so that an Edward can whisk her away. Or, they enjoy reading about the greatest lovers of all time? Right? If Edward Cullen were let's say a Navy SEAL, or a Mafia hitman, or a Cowboy, would anyone really care? Those character types are all awesome, but they are not vampires. Would Twilight have been noticed amongst the others that rest upon the bookshelf in the young adult section had Edward Cullen been Batman, or a rock star, or a young Prince attempting to unite his kingdom? I really don't think so. I believe this is even more evident now because at Barnes and Noble there is a "vampire romance" section and although it is dominated by Twilight, it is by no means the only series to find a home in that corner of the store.

So what does this all mean? It means that a majority of America love Edward Cullen purely for his vampiricness. Which means that most American's have a desire for vampires. This is nothing new, but there was no such craze before Twilight. So what's the difference? Stephenie Meyer changed her vampires. They glitter in the day light, thus making them more beautiful. Which, is stupid, but in some ways takes away the shadows and mysteries associated with normal vampires. They integrate with human society and the main ones that the reader are exposed to are "good guy" vampires. Again, this dulls them down. In Twilight everyone wants to be a vampire and it's cool, even though normally vampires stand as a literary device to represent one of the seven deadly sins: Lust.

So essentially...Stephenie Meyer has chosen to ignore the negative aspects of vampires and only focus on the positive ones. She has forced most of America to admit that if vampires were real and played by her rules, that they would be more socially acceptable, because there was never such a craze or acceptance of vampires prior to Twilight. Twilight vampires are more accepted because they are "less cruel" "less harsh" are more "familiar," "less frightening." Which means that if vampires were ever to "come out of the coffin," and they behaved like Dracula and were in no way like the beloved Edward Cullen, that there would be an inherent fear. This would be the same inherent fear that exists in most of post 9/11 America whenever they see someone with Middle Eastern features. So Stephenie Meyer has proven that American's on the whole are actually very much racist. Good job.

This of course is the point of True Blood, however True Blood at least has the fangs to address this issue straight up as opposed to trying to create the "super awesome forever ever ever vampire," like Stephenie Meyer. Bill tries to be a good guy vampire like Edward, but even Bill kills and drinks, and does some deplorable things. Much more realistic than dear Edward.

Zombies: The Ultimate Horror Device

So Halloween has passed. Sad face. But I still find myself thinking about scary things, as there are still a bunch of movies/books/web series.....lots of "web things" still doling out the horror. Seeing as though I try to keep content on this site somewhat related to horror, I had a revelation the other day.

There are many devices authors/screenwriters use to try to scare us. Supernatural beings like Vampires/aliens/zombies/werewolves/etc. There is always the serial killer...like Jason or Michael Meyers. There are disasters like comets hitting the earth or the end of the Mayan calender....(seriously don't you all think that maybe those guys just got tired after planning out over 2012 years of history? Or what if its all just a huge ancient joke and they are in their version of the afterlife rolling on the floor laughing?)

Vampires get staked (or glitter....I hate them I hate them I hate them) Werewolves get shot with silver bullets. Aliens...get viruses loaded to their wireless network. It may be a huge pain in the rear to accomplish these feats, but think of most movies/literature/Twilight (which is not literature) and you will see that something is done, even if the hero dies in the process. But there is a definitive ending, or at the very least a decent ending.

Serial killers usually die, or escape til the sequel, no mater the number. Sometimes the even get frozen and put into space where astronauts of the future unleash an unspeakable horror. But there is usually a definite ending, one that finalize the plot, even if there is a sequel.

End of the world movies, well nobody would watch them if Earth just got destroyed. Even if there is catastrophic damage, people survive and well yay! Same goes with government created conspiracy or disease outbreak plots. They always get exposed. Long story short a book or film wouldn't do well if the heroes don't in someway topple the opposition. They may die in the process, but its usually for the greater good. I also realize that as I'm writing this that there are examples to counter some of the things that are being said but the point is that it's extremely difficult to pull off effectively.

Which brings us to zombies. To include zombies in a story is really opening up a can of worms. You have to consider a lot of things: What stage of the outbreak, what type of zombies, what created the zombies, what kills zombies, how are new zombies created, etc? There are a lot of technical aspects that you must address if you are going to use zombies as a horror device. It is easy to have loop holes.

On the surface if you stack a zombie up against vampires, werewolves, sentient killers, comets, and prophecy then zombies kind of seem like the low undead man on the totem pole. They can't think, are usually slow, and usually can be easily dispatched. But zombie's strength lie in their numbers and their ability to never stop. Zombies have the best endurance ever. They are the endless hoard.

Equally as difficult about zombies, from the writer standpoint, is how to write an effective ending for the zombies. Sure survivors can find a "safe island" or the heroes can all die, or whatever, but nine times out of ten no matter what happens by the end of the book/film there are still zombies with which we must contend. Try to think of books or films where there is an ending you enjoy. Are there still zombies? Probably. Here are some examples that are the first to come to mind: (Spoiler alert, skip over the list in case you don't want things ruined if you haven't seen/read these:)

1. Night of the Living Dead--hero shot by humans trying to hunt zombies, zombies remain
2. Dawn of the Dead--two heroes are bit, the other fly off in a helicopter, zombies remain
3. Day of the Dead--Most humans die...its been a while since I've seen but I know zombies remain
4. Land of the Dead--Humans survive, but zombies find themselves a "home" Zombies remain
5. Dawn of the Dead remake--Humans make it to "safe island" only to find...zombies!
6. Shaun of the Dead--survivors "win" but zombies now exploited for entertainment, zombies remain
7. 28 Days Later--Danny Boyle says they are not zombies, so they won't be included
8. Zombieland--4 survivors now a "family" Zombies Remain
9. World War Z--Survivors dictate the reclaiming of Earth from zombies, yet the job will never be fully complete, zombies remain
10. Zombie Island/Nation/ All zombies defeated...but horrible ending Read For More Info

So you see a trend here. It is difficult to write an ending for zombies because they are that catastrophic. Those guys in Canada even did that whole research process on it. Read For More Info Most people who have tried have had a hard time completely getting rid of the zombies. It's almost impossible. It's almost even more impossible to write a good ending where zombies are gone forever. These reasons pave the road for Zombies to be regarded as the ultimate horror device for ever ever ever.

Agree/Disagree? Please back up your claims. 20 bonus points for the first person to correctly identify where the picture at the beginning of the post is from. Also: A Fun Zombie Song

Christmas Needs to Stop

I've come to a realization that really is horrifying. Therefore it must be posted on Haunted House Writer, being that I'm sure it would scare other people who have personalities that are similar to the theme of this blog.

I love Halloween. I know most of my close friends do as well. During the month of October, I feel alive...which is ironic really due to the huge emphasis on death. But regardless I feel that it's the perfect time of year for people with active senses of humor. (Notice I didn't say good?)

The fall is a time of sadness. It represents decay, as the trees and plants slowly succumb to the colder weather. We must put away the shorts and pull out the warm coats. The darkness comes earlier. We are marching head first into the icy grip of winter. October literally is that transition. November starts the "cold month" run and September is still a wild card in terms of nice or awful weather. But October, you know you are going to experience a chill on those breezy autumn nights, as the spirits rustle through the trees.

So it is only normal and natural that the tradition/holiday/pagen feast of souls (as some radicals would call it) occurs during the month of October. As we approach at time where many are "sad" because they are forced to remain indoors for longer period of times, huddled around fireplaces or under layer upon layer of clothing. Halloween is a lovely distraction from all this. We get candy, can dress up, go to haunted houses, or just play tricks on our friends. Indeed for those with a sense of humor, it is our last gasp attempt to have a little fun before the desolate winter sets in and renders life so miserable that a little jolt or scare would not be able to melt the heart of even the most kindest of souls.

So October/Halloween is extremely important. It literally attempts to take the edge off before the cold season. Therefore we need to celebrate Halloween. We need parties, we need haunted houses, we need costumes, we need the Monster Mash, we need candy, we need to be scared, and we need to have fun. As Tim Burton would have it: Life's No Fun Without a Good Scare.

This brings me to the problem of Christmas. I will argue that nobody dislikes Christmas. There is gift giving, good cheer (usually,) togetherness, the birth of Salvation (depending upon religious views,) and at the very least, even if you are some horrible old miser, some time off of work/school. I like Christmas just fine.

What I don't like, as my favorite comedian Lewis Black says, "that Santa has started poking his ass into everything." Christmas dominates the calender. It really does. It is an important holiday no doubt, but it really needs to be more contained. It is "posh" to start putting up the Christmas decorations on November first, despite the fact Thanksgiving hasn't even happened yet. It is also socially acceptable to leave the Christmas lights up till the second weekend in January. That's roughly 65 days of Christmas. People who don't care about Halloween as much already have Christmas stuff up during October.

I will grant that you will start seeing Halloween items in stores near the beginning of September, but if you put up the decorations at your house at the same time, it would just not fit. It's still too warm, the summer still lingers, and pumpkins aren't even off the vine yet. You need to wait until the last week of September at the earliest to avoid looking "antsy." The major holidays usually get a month of preparation time in stores, which is why Halloween stuff will appear in September. Thanksgiving stuff will appear midway through October, and Easter stuff...well it just appears when the time is right since Easter moves each year.

But Christmas? You go into the right store and two weeks into October you will find impressive Christmas displays. It's almost like Halloween is over and they start to shrink the Halloween section. So even if you are the kind of person who waits for December to start decorating, you can buy your items in October. That is two and a half months of preparation. Why? Halloween is the only other holiday that comes close and that's only because of the costumes. If you didn't dress up on Halloween, you wouldn't see sections in stores until October 1st.

What good does shopping for Christmas in October do? Yeah I guess you can get all your shopping done in one stop. But let me bring this all home. October is a depressing month with Halloween as a sinister-joker-like feel to try and take the edge off. Christmas is a kinder and more gentle time. Literally a "present" during the midst of winter to remind us that all is not lost.

When you put Christmas trees and Santa Claus in stores, in October, you are completely destroying that atmosphere of Halloween. Rather than getting the "trick-or-treat/spooky/haunted atmosphere" of Halloween, you get creepy jokering mixed with seasonal good cheer. Jack-o-lanterns mixed with trees. Severed limbs mixed with boughs of holly. You get the complete antithesis of one another that while in a store literally assaults you from all angles rendering you completely overloaded to the point where despair once again reigns. Halloween feels like it's already past, and Christmas is still too far on the horizon. For Christmas people I suppose this isn't that bad of a thing. But for Halloween people it is a very discouraging almost existence ending feeling. It also destroys the point of Halloween, to give one last hurrah before winter over takes all.

Christmas can wait for November. We must do something about this. Christmas is fashionable until after Christmas. Halloween must achieve the same end. Halloween supporters must rise up and start to take the fight into November. The decorations are extremely similar as it is. I remember as a kid when November 1st hit, we'd just turn our jack-o-lanterns around so that they would be normal pumpkins again. Halloween must not literally vanish into the night as it always does on October 31st. It literally seems like a distant memory the next morning. We need to push into November. Haunted houses need to run longer. The delightful little tricks must carry us farther into the dead of night. Christmas needs to be hedged in and Halloween needs to share as much of the limelight. We must make a stand.

We don't want to go into December though...pumpkins are usually rotten and mushy by then.

Lack Luster Halloween

So Halloween is the best time of year. I really really believe that. It's not quite so cold that you wanna die. You get to have fun and trick people. You can scare others without people thinking you are a creep. You can wear costumes and not get weird looks. Football. Lots of good things.

I always get pumped for Halloween. The energy of evil trickster spirits (that's just some "fluff" not a religious decree) run through my veins. Its almost like a calling.

This year...not so much. I don't know if its due to the swine flu epidemic. The horrible economy. The fact that Gravestone Manor was a pain in the rear to get ready this year. No idea why...but my usual Halloween thrill energy isn't as high as normal.

I think I figured it out though. There is a chain of stores known as "Spirit Halloween." They pop up for the Halloween season, then they vanish. All they sell is Halloween paraphernalia. They have awesome costumes, incredible masks (although expensive) and these really cool lawn ornaments that are usually set up in nice displays.

But this year....there is nothing in the store. All the masks are cheap and generic. The costume selection is lack luster. I have been in the store about 4 times this month and each time I've found myself bored. That's like....if Santa walked into his workshop and decided he'd rather go visit the Easter Bunny. I'm not blaming it all on Spirit Halloween...but when your only purpose in life is to supply people with their Halloween wants and needs, and your best mask is the Joker clown mask from last year, that's pretty bad.

Anyone else having a downer Halloween? Can't you even tell in the way this post is being written? Like its taken me forever to write this small post because I've just been so down thinking about it all. There is no energy in the post because there is no energy in me because this year there is no energy in Halloween. What has happened? This is supposed to be my biggest up shot of the year. It all goes down here from me usually....what do I have to look forward too? Why do I have a funny feeling that this year something will be wrong with the Cranberry sauce?

Zombieland Reveiw

Hello all,

Apologies for not being able to see this movie sooner, but when you help run a Haunted House...well in October that kind of takes precedent.

Review of Zombieland:

You must accept, going in, that this movie is going to be ridiculous. To assume that it is a serious zombie movie or to assume that it is an "intellectual comedy" are not wise decisions. It is in essence a Zombiedy. If you go in thinking the above...you will probably be let down.

That being said, it was quite humorous. I laughed out loud at many parts, but will keep my lips closed in case there are readers who haven't seen it yet. My favorite part was when the take refuge in the LA house....

The movie also focuses on a number of rules. There are 32 rules but we only ever learn, I think, eight of them:

1. Cardio--To sustain long periods of running away from zombies
2. Double Tap--send the extra bullet into the zombie's head to ensure it stays down
3. Be weary of bathrooms--Zombies always seem to show up when we are vulnerable
4. Buckle your Seat belt--So you can slam on the breaks and you won't go flying
16? Limber Up--before you do anything so you don't pull anything
17? Don't be a hero--except when impressing Witchita
20..? Always check the back seat--A zombie or gun stockpile will always be there
32. Enjoy the Little things--Like Twinkies or "Caddyshack"

I agree with all of these, as I've memorized Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide inside and out. The only one I'd caution against is the double tap...and that's based upon the amount of ammo you have. In this movie the characters sure seemed to have a lot of it....

I liked these rules and I like how they were presented by the skittish, nervous, low self-esteem main character...I would have just liked to know more of the rules, since they clearly defined his life.

The other major issue that I saw was ironically enough, the lack of zombies. There would be very long stretches where you wouldn't see any zombies. Now that's okay, you can have a movie where that happens and it still works. Take either version of Dawn of the Dead. You might not see a zombie for 20 minutes, but you know that there is a hoard of them just outside the mall. Any pull away or establishing shot will confirm this, so the fear is real. I also get that the movie takes place during the later stages of the outbreak, so most zombies would probably have been pulled to major population centers in search of more food. But even at the end, when the major conflict occurs...when it really comes down to it...there aren't that many zombies. Aren't they supposed to be in LA? That is a huge population zone. I get that the point is to have Columbus attempt to rescue the other two characters but in a zombie movie the big fear is the endless hoard.

Maybe that's not what they were going for since the tone of the movie was clearly light. If that's the case then I am willing to back off my statement. My statement is also not a "Deal Breaker" as Liz Lemmon would say, because I still thoroughly enjoyed the movie. It was just a comment tis all.

Lastly--A lot of people have been comparing as the next "Shaun of the Dead." "Zombieland" was good. It was funny. I'm going to buy it to add to my zombie collection. It would fit nicely into a Zombiedy-athon. But it doesn't even come close to the humor, horror, tediousness, complexity, and all around amazement that is encompassed with "Shaun of the Dead." I'm being very serious. I know a lot of you may think I'm jaded because I like horror, comedy, the British, and zombies so its easy to think that I'm just a fan boy spouting off a love fest for Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright.

But in all seriousness, I had to analyze "Shaun of the Dead" for a film class and I've been studying creative writing for a long time now. Everyone watch "Shaun of the Dead" again and pay close attention to the point that the movie is trying to make. The point is that humans are so entrenched in their routines that even a zombie outbreak might go unnoticed and that most humans would not noticed something was wrong until a zombie showed up on their doorstep. This is painfully obvious in the characters of Shaun and Ed as we laugh at them and their exploits. But watch the film again and only pay attention to the background. (I'm also referring to the first act of the movie before the zombies are everywhere.) Notice for how most of the movie there are sirens going off, even if they are just faintly in the background. Notice how sick the people look on the bus that Shaun rides. Notice how when Shaun is in his place of employment and he is trying to sell the TV that you can see three green army trucks rumble past the camera. Then notice that when Phillip leaves the store, those same three green army trucks rumble by him. How much of that did you notice? How much more is there that I haven't noticed yet? Isn't it creepy to think we don't notice things because we only care about our little daily routines? "Shaun of the Dead" scared me for the first them when I realized what I just pointed out and I counted driving past five ambulances with their lights flashing. That's a lot for one day. They could have been the first five outbreak patients and had it not been for "Shaun of the Dead," I never would have had that thought.

"Zombieland" although widely entertaining doesn't even come close to that level of sophistication.

Fail! (The name of this post borrowed from my good friend Glen)

Okay, so this blog is about scary things. What follows in this post REALLY SCARES ME!

There is a certain road in the area where I live. Most people refer to it as "The Hillside Road." I'm not going to tell you it's real name, nor am I going to tell you the Township which in lies, but for any local readers...that should be all the clues you need.

This local police department has a reputation for being a little hard-line. Nay...incessantly hard-line. In my 24 years I've had 6 incidents where cops were involved. 2 were speeding tickets, one I will never argue...the other coming from a speed trap of 55 to 25....so yeah. One from the report I gave from being hit by another car. One coming from when I accidentally drove through a stop sign one late night after Gravestone Manor, to which the cop saw my make up and told me that Gravestone Manor was cool and let me go. These four incidents all involved police departments that are not the one that this post focuses on.

However, the remaining two...do. Situation the first: Two years ago on December 1st--DECEMBER--we had freak storms in my area. These storms were reminiscent of storms that you have on 90 degree days in July. They rolled in around 8PM. I waited until 11:30PM to drive home just to make sure that any sort of debris was cleaned off the road. Low and behold, when I reach the "Hillside Road," and came upon the section that is in no way lit, nor are there any houses, I find that I must swerve to avoid hitting a downed tree limb of substantial size. There is a car behind me. About 3 miles down the road that car turns on its red and blue lights. He pulls me over and talks to me about 15 minutes, thinking I am drunk. I can tell because he is shoving the flashlight in my face. (Did you all know that cop's flashlights have Breathalyzers in them--they aren't accurate enough to serve as evidence, but they are accurate enough to warrant a sobriety test--I learned that in Driver's Ed) But I'm not a drinker and of course I'm not drunk. I tell him that I was trying to avoid the tree limb. Eventually he asks what high school I went too and I told him. He said, "well I don't recognize your name, and that's a good thing. Next time, stay in your lane." Yes sir, next time I will plow into the large tree limb and cause damage to my vehicle.

Incident the second: This happened tonight on the same road, in about the same place. I notice on the roadway are those little white piles that form once signal flares have burned down. But there are no lit flares and there are no remnants of flares other than those white piles of phosphorus. A few feet down the road is a "Work Area Ahead" sign. A few feet behind that is one of those signs with the picture of the flagman. I turn the corner and I see a cop car with its lights flashing and several construction trucks down the road. It looks like they are repairing a downed telephone wire. The cop car's door opens and I see that he has one of those flashlights with the light up cone to signal traffic. You know, because they like to think they have light sabres or something. Now again this is all happening around 3AM so its all very surreal. Who puts out "Work Area Ahead" and "Flagman" signs that early in the morning?

I think the cop is going to wave me through but he instead walks up to my window and pulls out his normal (Breathalyzer) flashlight. He asks me where I came from and I tell him. He asks me if I saw the Road Closed sign. I say no, the only signs I saw were the "flagman" sign. Now this is a critical point in the conversation. He could think it strange that I have mistaken the image of a flagman for the words "Road Closed," and then assume that perhaps something happened to the "Road Closed" sign. Or....he could be a jerk and think that I have the intelligence of a jar of almonds. He picks the latter. He asks me "why I didn't see and obey the Road Closed sign." Now mind you also, I have a respect for authority, so when a cop talks to me I sound like a blubbering idiot. I say the following things, after each response he again asks me "why didn't you see and obey the Road Closed sign." I say: I was listening to the radio (this evoked an added--listening to the radio means you can't read a sign?--, I thought you were performing the same action that cops do on the interstate when there is construction, which is why I slowed down, and I thought you were the signal man.

I was so caught off guard by the fact that there was no Road Closed sign that I must have sounded drunk. I'm really surprised he didn't pull me out of the car in all actuality. He gives me this speech about how important it is to pay attention, totally demeaning my ability to confuse images with words and then tells me to turn around and go back the other way. Really? Couldn't he have just said that from the get go?

Now here is why I'm scared: I turned around I went all the way back down the road just to make sure that I didn't miss the sign and that I wasn't an idiot. There was no sign. Only the "Work Area Ahead" and "Flagman" signs. Theoretically this guy could have given me a ticket. Isn't that frightening? He didn't but he could have. I'm scared because if he did, I would have had to go through a protracted series of event to clear my name and avoid paying the ticket--or--suck it up and pay the immense fine, to which I just don't have the funding for at this point in time.

I will concede the benefit of the doubt and say that perhaps the sign got knocked over. Maybe the road crew or another cop removed the sign, thinking that the area was secure. But I swear on my life I didn't see one. Also--don't you normally put "Road Closed" signs in the middle of the road to prevent people from going further? I saw those white piles of phosphorus from the flares....usually when you see those piles, it means that whatever happen has been taken care of and you can continue. Also, the cop car was on the side of the road as opposed to blocking it from on coming traffic. All of this, combined with no visible "Road Closed" sign, to me anyhow at 3 AM while listening to Sirus NFL radio talk about how awful JeMarcus Russell is, means to me, that the roadway is open, but to proceed with caution. It scares me that I was in a position where I could have received a ticket for in my mind, correctly interpreting the scene that was in front of me. I also would like to add that instead of trying to nose my way through the construction area, I did come to a complete stop and wait for the officer to instruct me further. I was ill prepared for the interrogation and lecture.

I also find it very peculiar that the cops in this Township are the biggest jerks. Two encounters; two bitter tastes in my mouth. All the other local cops of the municipalities in which I conduct most of my daily activities are really nice guys. I know not a lot happens in this Township...other than the occasional Prison Break attempt or the Water Reservoir coming under stress and almost breaking, thus causing a disastrous flash flood, so maybe a guy like me allows these cops to get their kicks and in so doing, take the edge off. But seriously--why you gotta be like that? What good is it doing you or the community you swore to protect and serve?

As I turned around and started backwards to determine whether or not I had missed the Road Closed sign, I saw three other vehicles, one of the drivers on a cell phone, heading past the "Flagman" sign. I, in someway, felt vindicated.

Haunted House Tips

Gravestone Manor has been running for two weekends. I really hope that my friends and family are able to come see what we've been working hard on for almost six months.

However, I realize that some people who may read Haunted House Writer might not know me as well as others. I also would like to encourage those who have trepidations about coming to Gravestone Manor, or any haunted for that matter.

Here are some NEVER DO THIS AT A HAUNTED HOUSE tips.

1) Never tell anyone your name. Even if its the person selling you tickets or the person who tells you when to enter the actual house. Otherwise they will spread your name throughout the house and every room you enter. It can be creepy. If you are a polite person, kindly answer "What's your name" with "I'd rather not tell you."

2) Be careful about what you wear. If you wear a hoodie that says "U of Pitt" someone might say something like, "The sorcerer prefers souls from Pittsburgh" and then you are creeped out. Perceptive Haunted House workers constantly look for any little thing to add to the "creep" factor. Don't wear flip flops. That's for safety. Don't wear white. Sometimes white will glow in black light, thus painting you as the perfect target for someone lurking in the dark corner.

3) ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CELL PHONE IN YOUR POCKET!!!! The glow will also paint you as a target, it is distracting for both actors and other patrons. You may be scared and want more light, but the other people in your group may want to actually experience the Haunted House for what it is, so ultimately it's inconsiderate.

4) If something scares you, don't tell it that it scares you. Almost every tour I see something like this: A clown pops out of it's hiding spot, girl's huddle together and shout "I HATE CLOWNS," and now that guy in the clown outfit makes his way directly toward those girls and doesn't even care about the other people in the room. So even if you've just messed yourself, don't let anyone else know because you might mess yourself even more.

These are the things that come to mind right now. Please keep them in mind as you go Haunted House Hopping. Maybe you won't feel quite so anxious and you would be more willing to go with your friends. Please whatever you do, make sure one of those stops is Gravestone Manor.

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Gravestone Manor's Website

Thoughts on RENT in local theatres

Again, apologies for the delays but its Haunted House season and Gravestone Manor is kicking it into high gear.

That being said some of you might also be asking "I think this post is about Rent the Broadway Musical. What is scary about that?"

I would counter with "that is a good question." Then I would stare at you until you asked me what the answer was because I'm so exhausted this time of year that I would need a kick in the rear to keep going.

Here is why I'm including Rent in a blog about scary things. Recently Rent left Broadway. When that happens, other theatres can purchase the rights for it and then stage their own productions. Recently I saw one of these productions. Now friends, do not automatically assume that I am going to say bad things about what I saw because everyone who acted in the show did really well. I was very much impressed. But there were some trends that I saw that might happen in many theatrical renditions of Rent that are scary because they take something away from the show. Rent is a finely tuned machine. There are very few liberties that one can take. If you do something a little bit different you have to make sure that you don't take away from the show's strengths. This is more so a warning for anyone considering putting on a production of Rent and again, this is not a slight on any of the actors involved because I think everyone did exceptionally well.

1. In my experience, it is the tendency of theatres to try to incorporate as many people into their cast as possible. When they aren't paid professionals, the inclination is to be fair and to give a lot of people a chance. This is fine. It is not fine however for a show like Rent. There are 8 principle parts and a variety of smaller roles for the ensemble. The ensemble is to represent the rest of the city and those that the main characters encounter. So there is definitely a need to have a number of actors.

But it is very unnecessary and in fact quite dangerous to load the stage with actors. The production I saw had so many people on stage for the big numbers that it seemed like they were hurting for room. Rent is so incredible because of its energy. To simulate energy you need movement. To have movement you need space. When you load the stage with actors...you have no space. That was the big problem I had with the production I saw was that there were so many people on stage that the possibility for movement was almost non-existent. The actors all wanted to move and they had lots of energy, but it got lost when they really had nowhere to go. Something to consider.

B. Sometimes I change to letters. That's right, who caught that?

I'm afraid of this as well: We all love the Rent soundtrack. We have grown up with it and have listened to the voices of the original cast for how long? Some of us also have the movie soundtrack and also the DVD of the Final Performance to study as well. We know these songs inside and out. It is only our natural instinct to try to match what we know and love. But we don't have to do this. Trying to match the original soundtrack can actually decrease the quality of the live performance.

That being said I think people need to be cautious of this as well. It didn't happen often, but every so often there were a few times when singers would add unnecessary runs and inflections and what not. It wasn't a deal breaker, but something that caught my attention. We aren't Idina Menzel or Adam Pascal. Taking risks is okay if you know your limits. If we are lucky enough to be cast in Rent it is because someone recognized and appreciated our voices. Stay true to yourself and sing the song that it sounds good regardless of weather or not it sounds like the original. Just don't over do it. Remember this the next time you are on stage singing "Take Me or Leave Me."

3/C. Lastly...the thing we all need to be aware of: Angel does not have to be portrayed as flamboyant. His costuming will take care of that. He is sincere, he is gentle, he is the heart of the show. He holds everyone together to the best of his ability. To "gay him up" is distracting and in actuality takes away from the character. Remember: If you play Angel, have fun, be a drag queen, dress like Santa, play drums, jump up on the table and love Collins...but whatever you do, don't be flamboyant.

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True Blood Season 2 Finale

The True Blood Season Finale 2 sucked!

Is the above statement an accurate portrayal of of the episode?

or?

A Clever play on words about a vampire show?

Here's the problem. The way that the producer and writers of True Blood are organizing their show is very unique. This unique manner in which they are running their show doesn't really gel with the manner in which most other shows are run. That being said, True Blood's finale isn't completely as awful as everyone else seems to think it is. I feel that it's just misunderstood.

True Blood's unique vision can only be understood when compared to another TV show that follows a more conventional operation. Let's take a look at The Office's Season 2 finale.

The last thing we see in the finale is Jim walking up to Pam and kissing her on the lips. End of Show. Then when Season 3 starts, Jim is in Stamford, Pam has no ring on her finger, and it takes a little bit before the issue of Jim and Pam is even addressed. There is clearly a huge time gap between the two episodes and that's okay. When a show runs this way, the finale can be just that: A finale. Most of the story lines come to a close and give a clean slate for the next season.

True Blood is the opposite. The end of season one has Renee defeated, Bill sacrificing himself for Sookie, Sam resenting Sookie for choosing Bill, Andy Belfour sliding deeper into a drunken stuopr, Maryanne mysteriously showing up, and Layfette missing. Not too mention a dead body in Andy Belfour's car. End of episode.

The climax of this episode is the confrontation between Renee vs. Sam/Sookie/Bill. This happens at the end of the first half hour. The writers spend the rest of the episode ramping up for the next season and setting up most of the major plot hooks. This is risky because True Blood is such an action packed show, that we anticipate an even crazier finale. So in some ways we do not get the action packed finale we expect because the True Blood finales are actually more like two episodes in one.

But like The Office this is still okay and here is why: True Blood is running itself like one long movie. When the first episode of Season 2 starts, there is no time delay; it literally starts the moment after Season 1 ends. We just jump right back into the action. There is no time wasted trying to start the drama, because it's already been started for us in the finale. We've been waiting for a number of months for the start of the new season. During the run of the season we've had weekly episodes, so it's not like a four month wait for a brand new episode. In this manner it is the season premiere as opposed to the season finale that we are more ready and willing to sink our fangs into.

It's kinda like when we were in high school and we'd be watching a movie and then the bell would ring and the teacher would turn off the TV. When we came back the next day we picked up right where we left off. That's what the True Blood seasons are more akin too.

That being said however...Season 2's finale did have some...issues. Maryanne the Maenad was way too powerful an opponent when compared to the prejudice vampire hating Renee. Maryanne was a descendant of the Gods essentially and Renee was just a guy with a temper. Therefore the stage could have been set for an epic duel as opposed to an epic bull. The build up to that very creepy finale was amazing but the finale confrontation did not measure up. Sookie's powers were used only to knock over a statue and Maryanne seemed to give in just a little too quickly.

So over all, we should back off a little bit for thinking that the second half of the episode was not action packed, but those who feel that the Maenad confrontation was lack-luster are justified.

Oh...and the last misstep....there was far too little of this guy: