Fantasy Football Drafts

Apologies for the length between posts. Very busy. But onward!

This past weekend was the 75th Annual NFL Draft. This is the time when college football standouts will learn with which team they will start their NFL careers.

As I was listening to draft coverage, I started thinking about whether or not these rookies would be valuable picks when the fantasy football season rolls around.

But I remember that last year during fantasy season, that a lot of people were making fun of guys who get into their fantasy football leagues. They say that its just a game, or people devote too much energy into it, or its not even real.

Nevermind that it helps you learn who the current players are, hones your ability to make accurate predictions, lets you interact with the sport in a fun and exciting way, or makes watching games between teams you hate at least interesting (in case they are the only game on.)

I mean and at the very least, at the end of the day, there is nothing lost, except maybe twenty bucks. Even if you still can't let go of the fact that Jim Zorn pulled Jason Campbell at the end of the first half and all you needed him to do was throw for twenty more yards to win the game you needed to go to the playoffs, its still just for fun.

Then I thought about something that was similar: Stock Brokers.

These guys have to analyze and predict what the stock market will do, much like football players. But these guys base their lives on it. They could get fired or lose millions of dollars for not being accurate enough. We've all heard the stories of the guys who made foolish decisions, lost their life savings, and then jumped from an open window.

But nobody makes fun of them. For stock brokers, its literally life or death and they are doing essentially the same thing, when you think about it.

So next time you're about to make a crack concerning someone who plays fantasy football, think about the recession and what not that we've been in. Do you think a die hard football fan had anything to do with that? Other than being part of the unemployed percentage?

Domino's New Pizza Revamp

To Start: Apologies for the gap between posts. New Job, which is awesome, but also has me blogging every so often. Therefore, when I come home...I sometimes don't feel like Blogging.


Anyways: Domino's has recently been going through this whole "we are making our pizza better" campaign. They've shown "real" customers complaining about the old Domino's Pizza. Then, they show officials and chefs talking about how much it hurts their feelings and how they are going to make Domino's New Pizza a heck of a lot better.


I can't help but think that Domino's has got to have a lot of guts to be making such a big deal about making new and better Pizza. They need to have a distinctive new taste. So for the Super Bowl, I am sort of intrigued when am asked to pick up some Domino's New Pizza to take to the party.


Now, treasured reader, I need to begin this by saying that there is a long description of how this version of Domino's Pizza is 50 years in the making.


So you will imagine my obvious initial question: It took you 50 years to make this?


I could go into a length dissertation about how each individual claim is 100% erroneous...but I'm pretty sure you all know that Domino's Old Pizza is....well....bad. Domino's New Pizza is....well...bad. Its just that this time around there is a little extra flavoring on the crust.


I want to say I'm let down....but then I would have to actually admit that I had high expectations and that's just something I'm not prepared to do on a public forum such as this.


Anyone else have any comments on the New Domino's Pizza?

Why Christmas Needs to Stop

For those of you who are loyal readers, you will know that I have issues with the fact that Christmas dominates most of the calender year. I will stress now that whenever I address Christmas in this manner, it is purely from the secular viewpoint, which is sadly the more emphasized viewpoint anyways. Although I'm a Halloween supporter, I don't hate Christmas. I love the lights and decorations. I love presents. I love trees. I just don't like them in stores before November.

For my complete thoughts on this issue, kindly view this earlier post "Christmas Needs to Stop."

When I wrote that earlier post , I was looking at things from the angle of someone who loves Halloween and was mad. Other than equal representation of the two different holidays, I really had nothing to back myself on in terms of why Christmas needs to be toned down, other than you're insane if you really need to be buying Christmas paraphernalia in any other month that November (Preparation,) December (Actual month of the holiday,) or January (post Christmas discounts.)

Now, having gone through yet another Christmas season, with the above prospective in mind, I have discerned that it is actually unhealthy to have Christmas for so long, and it has nothing to do with Halloween. Here's why:

It is now four days into January. I've been starting to get back into my normal routine and have been able to catch up with people with whom I haven't seen that much over the holiday season. I will ask, "how was your Christmas?" I will be met with one of the following answers:

"I can't believe its already over."

"I'm just glad its over with."

"I celebrate Russian Christmas and that hasn't happened yet."

The point being is that we spend so much time preparing for Christmas, that by the time it gets here, we're almost sick of it. We've heard each recording of each Christmas song at least a hundred times, we've been shopping for so long because we've always got to run out to get that one last gift, the lights have been up forever, we've wrapped so many presents, the smell of pine now permeates the house, and the poinsettias are starting to lose their leaves.

Why do we prepare for something so much only to hate it by the time it arrives. Its not like once you open the presents Christmas morning that its done and you can relax. Nope, you've got to clean up the wrapping paper, go see everyone else, cook food, eat food, refrigerate food. I would argue that the hours after Christmas morning are even more stressful than those before. Likewise, since we've been thinking about Christmas since August, December flies by much to fast and we don't actually take the time to take in the actual holiday. "I can't believe Christmas is in two days." Well that's because you've gotten so numb and regimented to the holiday season that you've literally lost track of time. There's no time or way to appreciate the actual month of celebrating because its been too "in our face," for so long.

Its an unhealthy build up of anticipation. Its the moment that we've been waiting for, where we've spent time making ourselves and our houses look perfect. We add a little bit decoration to make the moment unforgettable. We think about it constantly, growing even more excited and impatient for that singular moment. Then finally it comes, where you gather with your loved one(s,) open up your packages, put on your clothes, play with your toys, and scream with joy as you realize that you've finally gotten what you've wanted. It last for that magical moment until the last present has been unwrapped. Then...the downhill slide. We're your gifts good for you? Was it the wrong size? Wrong color? Not quite what you expected? Now we have to go over your parents? And eat even more food? But I'm tired now and just want to go bed and cuddle...my new fleece blanket. Fine, I'll get dressed and we'll go to your family's house. It's not like its a special day for me too or anything.

For all of you our sakes...let's reduce the amount of tension around Christmas and please just hem it back in to a more sizable and realistic time frame.

Holiday Scares = Gift Bags

Yes, I know, I'm a Halloween person. October is the scary time, Christmas is the peaceful time. Well, it's supposed to be the peaceful time, but with all the shopping, wrapping, traveling, cooking, it's rarely peaceful.

That being said then, why do you, the faithful reader, find a post near the end of December that has to do with something frightening? I would answer: That is a good question, to your hypothetical query.

Very few things about Christmas scare me, other than it's massive consumption of most of the calender year. But every year, inevitably something happens when I find myself more uncomfortable than when I was in high school, trying to muster up the courage to ask someone to go with me to the semi-formal.

When I wake up and look under my tree, or when I go to my family's houses, or when I exchange gifts with friends, I will no doubt, eventually find myself at the mercy of a gift bag.

Now I understand that gift bag is a nice and simple way to wrap one's presents. It's efficient, is a reusable resource, saves paper, can be made to look extremely festive, and it is easy to carry a number of presents in one convenient carrying device. One could argue that its the cheap way out of wrapping, but I would counter that if you've ever received a wrapped present from me, then you'd understand why some people need to rely upon bags.

But when one is plopped down in front of you, a panic ensues. Here is a supposed self conversation or "self talk" as Lev Vygotski would label it, when the brain receives the neurological impulses that are coded to spell "gift bag."

Friend: Here, before you go, you have to open up your presents.

Brain: Presents? I can't wait! I'm barely able to release a chemical into your system to restrain you from ripping open the wrapping paper like a rabid animal, I'm so excited.

You: Oh, you didn't have too.

Friend: No, no, it's the holidays and we're friends, how can I not?

Brain: You're darn right it's the holidays, you were going to be shunned if there weren't presents after I helped you move last month.

You: What a lovely surprise!

Friend: Here you go...*sets down gift bag in front of you*

Brain: Uh-oh...gift bag...look panicked now. Let's analyze...it's a rather big bag...one large gift...or several small? You've been sitting here with your mouth open for five minutes, say something you idiot.

You: Wow, what a festive bag.

Friend: I know, I found it at the Dollar Tree.

Brain: Dollar Tree eh? Can't splurge on nice wrapping paper...alright that probably means its several small and inexpensive gifts. Approach with caution. Here's some serotonin so you can feign enthusiasm.

You: Wow, a book light? This is useful because I read books!

Brain: Bring it down a notch Tallulah...alright that was too small of a package to be the only thing in that bag...slowly and humbly reach in again...

Friend: I hope you like this next gift.

Brain: Let me guess...I'm a brain, guessing's what I do...a book?

You: A coupon for a free Frosty? Wow!

Friend: Well I know how much you like desert.

Brain: Which is true...but you didn't notice the Cold Stone that just opened up?

You: I can't wait to use this.

Brain: Okay...now the tricky part...is there anything else in that bag...two was a good number...three might be pushing it...stop drooling...if you go to look and there's nothing, you'll look like an idiot sifting through tissue paper...and you might seem greedy...no smart way out is to pretend like you think there's nothing else in the bag...people should write a number on the bag indicating the number of items inside.

You: That's it?

Brain: Damn...did I make you say that out loud? Uh oh..say something clever...don't hurt feelings.

You: It's your job to think.

Brain: Don't let them know that...okay, now you look crazy...tell them how stressed you are.

You: Sorry, its just my family is driving me nuts this time of year and I just lost my job and the Niners aren't in the play offs...I guess what I meant is that I could sure use more than one Frosty, I'm very appreciative and this small gesture of friendship is probably the most heart warming gift I've gotten all year.

Friend: Aww well thank you, it was just something small.

Brain: Wow...well done...here's some more serotonin....great...your passed out on the floor now...maybe that was too much.

Hollister Needs To Stop

This post has been brewing for some time. Every time it almost becomes manifest, something else distracts it, or something else becomes more pertinent. But with the Holiday Season here and most people spending more time at shopping centers, this post can no longer be denied.



HOLLISTER NEEDS TO STOP!!!!!!


Some clarifications before we continue:

• All of these examples are based upon the mall I most frequent. My mall is on the smaller side, which probably adds to the frustration.


• The Hollister in my mall is located extremely close to the JC Penny's, which is the store from which I usually enter the mall because of it's close proximity to Auntie Anne's Pretzels...those sugar cinnamon pretzels are phenomenal.


• I know other stores are guilty of what is about to be commented on, but those other stores don't exist inside this mall.
  

Why is it that Hollister and related popular and horribly over priced clothing stores feel the need to pollute their stores and subsequently the mall(s) with their offensive air perfume? What good does this do? I don't appreciate going into that store and then hating how I smell when I come out. The smell literally makes me sick because it is so overpowering. When you put on cologne you put on like what, one...two sprays at most? I remember when I was in 7th grade how awful the locker room would smell after gym class and the guys would be changing back into their normal clothes. They would use entire bottles or cans of cologne so that they still smelt nice. It made me sick, gave me a headache, and now I smelt like eight different fragrances because there were so many in the air. Hollister's air perfume is so strong and potent that it reminds me of a high school locker room. That's not a good thing. Also...can it be healthy to be inhaling that all day if you work there?

So the main complaint here is that Hollister is being horribly intrusive. Yeah I know that the smell literally reeks of "popular." Yes I know it is a marketing technique that most in some way be effective because Hollister is still around and charging young Americans $150 for a coat that looks exactly like a $45 coat that I saw at the Bon-Ton. (Which by the way...we say Bon- Tawn...but the word is spelt Ton...like..."felt like that weighed a ton." Why did this store purposefully mispronounce a word?) Also, I thought Hollister was a beach/summer themed store? Why selling these coats? Are they so unused to coats that have to jack the price to make up for all the initial investment for a coat pattern, coat engineers, and coat materials?

The smell wouldn't bother me if it wasn't so omnipresent. If it only existed inside the store and perhaps floated just outside of it so that a passerby might smell the air perfume and perhaps be becokened to enter this dark and mysterious place then fine. But I can smell it from almost every store in the mall. Especially when I first walk in at Penny's. I get halfway into the store and I can't even see out into the mall yet and I can smell Hollister, right by the escalators. I constantly hear Penny's employees complaining about the odor. It literally lingers throughout the mall as if a cheap undercutting ploy. Its like a witch doctor has created this sentient potion that goes out into the other stores and enters your body through your nose and implants a message into your brain as if it's hypnotising you: "Come...come to Hollister and spend more money for goods of a similar quality." When I"m at F.Y.E or Game Stop, or Spencer's Gifts (what...I like their hats) I don't want to be thinking about Hollister, yet it is impossible because of this horribly intrusive and repugnant odor.

Equally as intrusive is how the store front literally juts out into the mall thoroughfares. This picture show an example of how ridiculous a Hollister store front can actually be. It literally narrows the walking space in the mall because across from Hollister, in the middle of the walkway, is a T-Mobile stand filled with employees who just shout at you, "what kinda cell phone you got?" On the other side of that is an Aerie, which also used Air Perfume, but unlike Hollister, it stays inside the store and just barely filters out the front door. All this makes this particular stretch of the mall difficult to navigate because the Hollister side's smell makes me sick and there is seriously very little space due to how far out the store is, I want to avoid the annoying guys at T-Mobile, and I really have no reason to go into Aerie. Seriously, those two big pillars are like these giant hands trying to reach out to mall patrons and grab the money right out of their pockets, if only as a fee for, "smelling our scent."

So all in all Hollister needs to tone it down a notch. When I go to the mall, I want to go to the mall, not a huge Hollister. If I ever get a Hollister rep to read this, please please please pull down the lever on the air perfume. It's not good for anything really. Maybe if I go shopping at the mall after a football game and I'm all sweaty and gross but I didn't have time to shower, I'll hop into Hollister and let the air perfume saturate my clothing to help mask my smell, but that's really about it, and I usually don't go to the mall right after football games.

Did anyone ever think this: That smell is so overpowering that they have to go through a lot of it. Maybe the cost of that odor is so high, that's why Hollister has to charge an arm and a leg for their clothing. Maybe if they stopped polluting the mall air, their prices could be more reasonable.

Agree/Disagree? Leave a comment.

Twilight New Moon Realizations

There is no denying that Twilight has a huge following. We may wish that it didn't. We may wish that the tween/young adults of America...nay...the world would have more of a brain in their skulls to realize what over indulgent dribble the Twilight saga really is in comparison to other notable fads, and in that vein wish that the aforementioned group would dedicate some of their brain cells to realizing what horrible literature Twilight really is. Horror affictionadios may despise Stephenie Meyer for "what she has done to vampires."

But all that stashed aside, it is still widely received and it is apparent that it unfortunately is not going to go away. Even if real vampires were to emerge and they all looked like Eric Northman, I still think Twilight would stay around. This saddens me.

So since I've tried my hardest to fight it...apparently the rest of my guerrilla army friends have given up the fight, and I but one man, have not the influence, nor the dashingly good looks, to sway the swarming throngs of Twilight fans away from this garbage that is spelling the downfall of American society.

Therefore...I've chosen to try to identify what exactly it is about Twilight that makes girls scratch their necks to the point of bleeding when merely in the presence of Robert Pattinson.

Everyone I ask about Twilight, after I go off on my rant about how Twilight vampires aren't really vampires, will say, "well I still love the romance aspect." Okay. That's fair. I mean I guess if I were a girl I'd like being adored by a vampire who was only attracted to me in the first place because I was the only girl whose mind he couldn't read. I also suppose that I'd like for him to leave me despite the fact that there are still other vampires, not to mention jealous shifters around. I also surmise that I'd like to be impregnated by his undead DNA and then have him rip the baby out of me with his fangs, because I'm so sure that he is certified as an OBGYN. But alas, I'm not a girl, so I can't completely wrap my head around how un-ridiculous that all sounds.

So then that brings us to the movies. Prior to the casting of Robert Pattinson, girls could have the image of the perfect man to be their Edward Cullen. It could be their secret crush. It could be the older neighborhood boy. I could be the high school quarterback. It could be the guy who would never notice "me." But then when it was announced that the movie would be made and it was Robert Pattinson, the image of Edward Cullen was solidified forever. It didn't matter who it was. It could have been Jonah Hill cast as Edward Cullen and the reaction would have been the same. The point was that now Edward Cullen had a face. Edward Cullen had an image. Girls/Fans can now close the eyes and see the physical image that is their one true love. The ultimate lover has now been made real. It didn't matter who, it just matter that it was someone. So that is why I don't think Robert Pattinson is the actual real appeal for the Twilight fans.

I don't normally assess males for their attractiveness but all I have to say is, Robert Pattinson? Really? I mean he is pretty much following the same trend as Hayden Christiansen, except he is more emo. Because let's be fair: They are both undead...from a certain point of view.

That brings us next to Kristen Stewart. Now, I do normally assess females for their attractiveness and all I have to say is Kristen Stewart? Really? I mean normally when it comes to chick flicks, and lets once again be fair, Twilight and it's Saga-parts are nothing more than a glorified chick flick, at least the boyfriend who has been dragged along can look at a pretty girl. But when I think Kristen Stewart, my only frame of reference is when she was in "Panic Room." In this film she plays the diabetic, "my life sucks cause I'm the daughter of a single mom," type character. I believe you substitute diabetic for psychic blocking and you essentially have the same character. But anyways in this film, Stewart is like 13. This was my first time seeing the actress, so for me, now, even though she's in Twilight, I know her as a 13 year old girl, and that is in NO WAY APPEALING. So obviously Kristen Stewart also can not be the driving factor behind the Twilight craze. I mean also because now Kristen and Robert are irrevocably in love for realz IRL. So there is no hope for any fan girl to have her very own Edward Cullen.

So then that brings us to Vampires. Vampires are the only thing about Twilight that make Twilight stand out. I mean really girls pine to be Bella so that an Edward can whisk her away. Or, they enjoy reading about the greatest lovers of all time? Right? If Edward Cullen were let's say a Navy SEAL, or a Mafia hitman, or a Cowboy, would anyone really care? Those character types are all awesome, but they are not vampires. Would Twilight have been noticed amongst the others that rest upon the bookshelf in the young adult section had Edward Cullen been Batman, or a rock star, or a young Prince attempting to unite his kingdom? I really don't think so. I believe this is even more evident now because at Barnes and Noble there is a "vampire romance" section and although it is dominated by Twilight, it is by no means the only series to find a home in that corner of the store.

So what does this all mean? It means that a majority of America love Edward Cullen purely for his vampiricness. Which means that most American's have a desire for vampires. This is nothing new, but there was no such craze before Twilight. So what's the difference? Stephenie Meyer changed her vampires. They glitter in the day light, thus making them more beautiful. Which, is stupid, but in some ways takes away the shadows and mysteries associated with normal vampires. They integrate with human society and the main ones that the reader are exposed to are "good guy" vampires. Again, this dulls them down. In Twilight everyone wants to be a vampire and it's cool, even though normally vampires stand as a literary device to represent one of the seven deadly sins: Lust.

So essentially...Stephenie Meyer has chosen to ignore the negative aspects of vampires and only focus on the positive ones. She has forced most of America to admit that if vampires were real and played by her rules, that they would be more socially acceptable, because there was never such a craze or acceptance of vampires prior to Twilight. Twilight vampires are more accepted because they are "less cruel" "less harsh" are more "familiar," "less frightening." Which means that if vampires were ever to "come out of the coffin," and they behaved like Dracula and were in no way like the beloved Edward Cullen, that there would be an inherent fear. This would be the same inherent fear that exists in most of post 9/11 America whenever they see someone with Middle Eastern features. So Stephenie Meyer has proven that American's on the whole are actually very much racist. Good job.

This of course is the point of True Blood, however True Blood at least has the fangs to address this issue straight up as opposed to trying to create the "super awesome forever ever ever vampire," like Stephenie Meyer. Bill tries to be a good guy vampire like Edward, but even Bill kills and drinks, and does some deplorable things. Much more realistic than dear Edward.

Zombies: The Ultimate Horror Device

So Halloween has passed. Sad face. But I still find myself thinking about scary things, as there are still a bunch of movies/books/web series.....lots of "web things" still doling out the horror. Seeing as though I try to keep content on this site somewhat related to horror, I had a revelation the other day.

There are many devices authors/screenwriters use to try to scare us. Supernatural beings like Vampires/aliens/zombies/werewolves/etc. There is always the serial killer...like Jason or Michael Meyers. There are disasters like comets hitting the earth or the end of the Mayan calender....(seriously don't you all think that maybe those guys just got tired after planning out over 2012 years of history? Or what if its all just a huge ancient joke and they are in their version of the afterlife rolling on the floor laughing?)

Vampires get staked (or glitter....I hate them I hate them I hate them) Werewolves get shot with silver bullets. Aliens...get viruses loaded to their wireless network. It may be a huge pain in the rear to accomplish these feats, but think of most movies/literature/Twilight (which is not literature) and you will see that something is done, even if the hero dies in the process. But there is a definitive ending, or at the very least a decent ending.

Serial killers usually die, or escape til the sequel, no mater the number. Sometimes the even get frozen and put into space where astronauts of the future unleash an unspeakable horror. But there is usually a definite ending, one that finalize the plot, even if there is a sequel.

End of the world movies, well nobody would watch them if Earth just got destroyed. Even if there is catastrophic damage, people survive and well yay! Same goes with government created conspiracy or disease outbreak plots. They always get exposed. Long story short a book or film wouldn't do well if the heroes don't in someway topple the opposition. They may die in the process, but its usually for the greater good. I also realize that as I'm writing this that there are examples to counter some of the things that are being said but the point is that it's extremely difficult to pull off effectively.

Which brings us to zombies. To include zombies in a story is really opening up a can of worms. You have to consider a lot of things: What stage of the outbreak, what type of zombies, what created the zombies, what kills zombies, how are new zombies created, etc? There are a lot of technical aspects that you must address if you are going to use zombies as a horror device. It is easy to have loop holes.

On the surface if you stack a zombie up against vampires, werewolves, sentient killers, comets, and prophecy then zombies kind of seem like the low undead man on the totem pole. They can't think, are usually slow, and usually can be easily dispatched. But zombie's strength lie in their numbers and their ability to never stop. Zombies have the best endurance ever. They are the endless hoard.

Equally as difficult about zombies, from the writer standpoint, is how to write an effective ending for the zombies. Sure survivors can find a "safe island" or the heroes can all die, or whatever, but nine times out of ten no matter what happens by the end of the book/film there are still zombies with which we must contend. Try to think of books or films where there is an ending you enjoy. Are there still zombies? Probably. Here are some examples that are the first to come to mind: (Spoiler alert, skip over the list in case you don't want things ruined if you haven't seen/read these:)

1. Night of the Living Dead--hero shot by humans trying to hunt zombies, zombies remain
2. Dawn of the Dead--two heroes are bit, the other fly off in a helicopter, zombies remain
3. Day of the Dead--Most humans die...its been a while since I've seen but I know zombies remain
4. Land of the Dead--Humans survive, but zombies find themselves a "home" Zombies remain
5. Dawn of the Dead remake--Humans make it to "safe island" only to find...zombies!
6. Shaun of the Dead--survivors "win" but zombies now exploited for entertainment, zombies remain
7. 28 Days Later--Danny Boyle says they are not zombies, so they won't be included
8. Zombieland--4 survivors now a "family" Zombies Remain
9. World War Z--Survivors dictate the reclaiming of Earth from zombies, yet the job will never be fully complete, zombies remain
10. Zombie Island/Nation/ All zombies defeated...but horrible ending Read For More Info

So you see a trend here. It is difficult to write an ending for zombies because they are that catastrophic. Those guys in Canada even did that whole research process on it. Read For More Info Most people who have tried have had a hard time completely getting rid of the zombies. It's almost impossible. It's almost even more impossible to write a good ending where zombies are gone forever. These reasons pave the road for Zombies to be regarded as the ultimate horror device for ever ever ever.

Agree/Disagree? Please back up your claims. 20 bonus points for the first person to correctly identify where the picture at the beginning of the post is from. Also: A Fun Zombie Song