Horrifying Marketing

Every so often I see or hear something that is just so absurd and ludicrous, I don't know what else to do about it. Then I remember that Haunted House Writer hasn't had a blog post in a while, so I decide to vent about it there.

One such thing happened last week. It is horrifying that what I'm about to tell you actually was approved by a corporate marketer somewhere, that people probably have actually spent money on this, and that it might actually be illegal.

Last week I was in a Halmark store to pick up a sympathy card for a dear friend of mine's family. Fellow writer, and an amazing one at that too, Mike Workstel unfortunately has left this Earth. He's death was untimely and unfair. He is loved and will be missed by countless people.

While searching for this card, I happened upon the product that you see in the picture above. What you see is a fake dollar bill with a picture of Hannah Montana on it instead of George Washington. It also comes in plastic sleeve.

My initial instinct was to balk, because I hate Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. I think she sends a horrible message that if you aren't happy with who you are, you can just put on a blonde wig and be someone else. How is that helping the pre-teen girls of America? Throw on top of that the number of pictures that Miley has posted of herself on the Internet, and you have a 100% amazing role model right there.

Once my hatred subsided, I actually investigated this product a bit further because it felt like a real dollar bill. I was somewhat impressed by the notion that they were able to achieve strikingly similar textures. That's when I noticed that the picture of Hannah Montana was actually a sticker and it was actually placed over GEORGE WASHINGTON'S FACE! That's right, it was a real dollar bill, just with a sticker over it.

A) How is that not illegal? Isn't that defacement of government currency? Even more so because they are selling it?

B) How can we stand for someone valuing Hannah Montana more than George Washington? What has Hannah Montana done for us? Sing some songs? Have a TV that is suited to a very specific demographic? Posted naughty pictures of herself online? Granted she's an entertainer...but how many people is she really entertaining folks? George Washington fought for this country's foundation and survival. Oh by the way, he turned down the title of King because he didn't want to end up like the one that he had just helped freed American from. Instead he insisted upon President. He is selfless. He is a hero. He is an icon. HE IS NOT TO BE SULLIED BY HANNAH-F-ING-MONTANA.

The sticker price for this item: $5.99

That means for $5.99 you have just purchased:

1) A sticker of Hannah Montana that has already been stuck somewhere.

2) A plastic sleeve

3) A dollar bill

YOU BOUGHT A DOLLAR BILL FOR $5.99! Okay fine, I guess really, you've acquired it for $4.99 but that is not the point.

This is outrageous. How can this be allowed to stand? People...if you find yourself in a store pondering whether or not you should purchase this item, please check your stupid meters and DON'T. If your child really wants this item, please sit them down and explain how it would be better for the human race if they didn't have this item.

As a final though, in the words of Comedic Unaware Genius Richard M. Burgess:

"No, this, this is stupid."

Agree? Please leave a comment. Disagree...please go seek professional help.

PS: Check out Sandwich Warriors new website: Sandwich Warrior